Open your eyes...

Last night the cold took over me... It was like winter came early and froze my heart... when will this ice melt? Will it actually ever melt? Will someone melt it and set my heart free? Will I be able to open my eyes to the world around me and awaken to a new reality? To happiness? To bliss? A sea of sorrowful sighs is all I know these days... Forgotten memories creep into my mind and make my hopes wither away and disappear. I die a little each day.

When I wake up each morning I look in the mirror and all I see is a shadow of the person I once was, a fragment of the person I could be, a ghost of the person I want to be... And when I am dressed and about to face the world I whisper to myself: "just breathe..."

Sometimes, early in the morning when I wake up, before I open my eyes everything seems perfect... all of my dreams seem to be almost within my grasp. But as I slowly open my eyes reality sets in... Over coffee I rewind and playback my life but it's hard to focus... I try to mend my broken life, my broken self... but I don't know where to start... I wouldn't even know where to begin...

There's an emptiness inside me that I cannot fill... Dreams and projects for the future are not enough to keep me busy and silence the rage inside of me. This emptiness is slowly taking over the rest: the rage is quieting down, the sorrow has no more events to feed it, happiness has faded away without warning and lust... lust has been locked away by madness... madness has been held hostage by passion, and passion has been swallowed by the emptiness... all the feelings that once lived within are slowly being eliminated and giving way to nothingness... oblivion is the road ahead.

The phone doesn't ring... my email box is empty... I am standing still in a sea of people that live their lives as if someone is fastforwarding them to a designated destiny towards the future... The voices in my head get louder and louder telling me to move or do something but panic prevents me...

And this is where I am now: standing still while you whisper to me: "open your eyes" and all I can do right now is just breathe...