Yummy!

Russian Blue

I want one of theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese! They're so cute! and fluffy!

My Bucket List

- Watch my kid succed in life

- Visit Stonehenge

- Go to Spain, Italy, Greece, Scotland, Ireland, New Orleans...

- Drive a classic Ford Mustang

- Become a university professor

- Fall in love again

- Go to the opera

- Play in a band again

- Buy a house in the country with blue doors and a huge fucking front porch

- Write a book of poetry

- Write one hit song

- Buy a Gibson guitar

- Ride on a rollercoaster

- Go to a Renaissance Faire

- By obscenely expensive shoes that I'll only wear once (just to see what it feels like walking in expensive heels... I hate wearing them... but I'll give it a shot once)

- Have a huge 3 day party with my best friends

- Learn karate (even if I have to go to Japan)

- Find the love of my life

- Plant a field of sunflowers

- Serenade the love of my life

- (Actually) go to Japan and have the tea ceremony with the love of my life (I'll have to find the love of my life first)

- Decorate my parent's house

- Get an awesome cat (russian blue).

- Make a documentary

- Become vegetarian

- Do some charity work

- Play a kick-ass last gig (using the gibson guitar I bought previously)

- Visit the Louvre and other fine arts museums

- And finally, kick my ex in the nuts!

And I guess that's it. I can't think of anything else I'd like to do. If you can, just add stuff through your comments. ;)

my beautiful guitar!

Panic

I am in a panic... anxiety rushes through me like the blood rushes through my veins! I want this crap to be over and I want to move on with my life... I am angry at myself for being so stupid... I am angry at the world! In the mist of all this panic, anger and anxiety I feel sadness... a kind of sadness I've never felt before... it pics at my being like a little kid pics at an old scab. I wish I could get it right! I try and I try... I give and I give... but I always get left behind or get kicked in the ass... The only explanation for all the crap that happens to me is that I have really bad karma (sometimes I think that maybe I was Hitler in another life... lol).

I hate what I've become - this insecure little rabbit that neves leaves his whole... My life is practicly over and I never even got to live it. How pathetic am I? So now I've decided that maybe it's not too late to start living and I'm going to grab the bul by it's horns and I'm going to do everything I ever dreamed of doing... I'm going to Stonehenge, then I want to go to Scotland... I want to see more of the country I live in - I've never gone down south and I've always wanted to visit Évora and the temple of Diana. I want to meet new people and drink and dance around a fire with them. I don't want to feel pressured into having a relationship with someone. I just want to make friends! I want to have fun without having to check if anyone might perceive me as being weird... so who cares if I'm different? I deserve to have fun too! I want to go to Barcelona and check out the beautiful architecture. I want to go to Greece and see with my own eyes one of the cradles of civilization. I want to roam the Earth and see for myself all the beauty it has to offer.

I don't care about falling in love anymore. I am so over that... it's a page that I've turned. That aspect of my life is done. All I had left to give anyone has been violently snatched from my heart and thrown in the trash. I feel stupid for letting myself be put through all this crap. I don't think I'll ever be abel to fully trust anyone again. I can't imagine that anyone will ever possess the power to make me smile. I have a hole inside of me that will never mend. If you put your ear to my chest you could hear the ocean! That's how empty I feel... I'll never be able to love anyone with the same passion I had when I was just a young and hopeful girl. So I think it's best I never love again.