Secrets and Stares

Whisper to me secrets of desire
even if they turn you in to a liar
Ravish me with your hungry stare
wrap me up in your green glare
Let the world melt to the background
let if drip away without a sound
Embrace me with tales of passion
even if they're out of fashion
Make me burn with just one word
that one that remains unheard
Cover every inch of my soft skin
with stories that flow from within
Make me feel and smile again
don't say no and don't refrain
Time is standing still just for us
don't say no and don't you fuss
Look at me as if I am the only one
give me love even if you have none
For one night be a clever liar
come and be consumed by this fire
Just for now ler our bodies crash
and rise tomorrow from all the ash
Standing tall you stare again at me
not with desire, but wanting to be free
I close my eyes and pretend it's a dream
you're not here it's all my mind's scheme
but you whisper in my ear and say goodbye
You sadly smile and pinch my thick thigh
The sound of your steps walking out the door
is the loudest like I've never heard before
I stay in bed numb and I start to forget
secrets you whispered now sounds like a threat
I close my eyes and wait for the day to break
I wait for someone to fix this heartache
and the world starts spinning again
time sets back to heal such sweet pain
Memories and secrets will soon fade
Slowly forgotten as I am again swayed
By new whispered secrets and hungry stares
but this time by someone who cares...

The One I Think Of

sleep, dream, fall
never get to heaven at all

breathe, live, love
you're the one I dream of

scream, jump, fight
bring the world some light

leave, walk, cry
stopped believing a lie

sleep, dream, heal
hoping for something real

wake, run, smile
you were happy for a while

eat, feel, see
he fits with you perfectly

sit, wait, sigh
for him again to pass by

eat, sleep, forget
you're not ready yet

wake, stand, work
don't mind those who lurk

talk, promise, swear
that you belong together, a pair

lie, swear, break
another memory to take

stay, sit, pray
don't leave me this way

whisper, breathe, love
you'll always be the one I think of.

Morning Noises

drip, drip, drip
broken faucet
drip, drip, drip
I have not patience for it
click, click, clang
noises in the dark
chirp, chirp, chirp
is it a god damn lark?
crash, boom, bang
something breaks
silence, silence
no one awake.
scratch, scratch, itch
my sheets are a prison
scratch, itch, twitch
someone has risen...
click, click, clang
dishes on the table
ring, ring, rang
too late for another fable
ring, ring, ring
again the aunt
cry, sigh, sing
here I am to taunt
swoosh, scratch, twitch
trapped in a quilted ditch
silence, silence
eyes wide open
silence, defiance
boom, boom, boom
heart beats faster
with every stroke of the broom
brush, brush, brush
won't she ever hush?
crash, boom, bang!
she fell as the phone rang
ring, ring, again, ring
no one left to sing
or mutter empty words
chirp, chirp, chirp
again those blasted birds.
click, clack, crash
everything broken at last...

Still Dead

Won't eat
can't sleep
won't talk
can't walk
won't sing
can't think
can't feel
not real
can't breathe
just seethe
won't tell
can't yell
won't go
too slow
just leave
don't grieve
can't smile
just hostile
go on
still strong
don't cry
just sigh
don't scream
just dream
just said
still dead...

Regret

I fear I shall never see him again

his mumbled words brought me back

from a place where I only refrained

and sheltered myself from any attack

His kind eyes saw me and did not wander

time stood still for us that moment

but I stopped to slowly ponder

if this unusual man the fates had sent

was actually looking and talking to me

after years of loneliness he comes along

but my simple life is at it's best misery

his presence, his words were sweet song

I wanted so badly to ask his name

but I could not muster the courage

I have no one else but myself to blame

being trapped in this wandering cage

I wanted to scream out for him to stay

but all I said was "see you later"

I smiled thinking I'd see him another day

but a week passed and my longing is greater

I just want to look into his eyes once more

I'll never feel this way again about anyone

and I definitely never felt this way before.

I'll remember those minutes now forever gone.

His Kiss

Silence... only the sound of hard rain
pouring down, hitting my bedroom window
feels like I am in the past again
because I feel that time is moving slow

I look out my window fogged up, blurry
and everything is moving fast forward
there is life for everyone but me
because living always seemed to hard

I am standing still wondering, stuck
should I get dressed and go out and fight
or should I just give in to bad luck?
because there is no way to make it right

What was once lost shall never be found
I wear my mistakes not with swollen pride
but as warning to myself not to get bound
everytime I closed my eyes for you I died.

Walking, breathing corpse, anti-social beast
crazy, insane, shun from all decent society
hungry eyes wwaiting and looking for a feast
talking, heartbroken corpse filled with anxiety

Freaks like me have no right to be happy
that's what they say when I walk by
They... the decent law abiding society
always caught up on spinning vicious lies

I breathe and talk and smoke but I am dead
I look up and see him. I step out of myself
I rewind everything that he gently said
He chose me to talk to and no one else.

The warmth slowly took over my body once more
as uneven words spilled from his perfect lips
and I know that nothing will ever be as before
because all I think about now is of his kiss...

Something, Anything

melancholic waves crash over me
and the world seems overrated
no one else can see what I see
I stopped caring about what I hated

a broken heart that doesn't beat
dried up sahara eyes that can't cry
thick skin hiding under cotton sheets
juicy lips spitting out soft lies

bad blood flowing in my veins
boils and burns me from within
and it's slowly driving me insane
melting my pale soft skin...

I close my eyes and pray for rain
to put out this fire that burns
and is lit over and over again
everytime that he returns...

I want to light the fire once more
even though I don't even know his name
I want crazy passion like I felt before
I want him to light my fuse, my flame

His eyes revive my dead cold heart
broken what feels like centuries ago
and now this thing that may never start
is cause for infinite fays of woe.

And what never started already ended
follow my words to the end of nothing
you were not there as I eagerly expected
I waited for a smile, for something, for anything.

Confused Love

I faulter and my crippled mind explodes
I see you, I quiver, I melt, I die...
I see you, this time my heart implodes
I see you, you don't see me, I sigh.

My silence screams out to you
you don't listen, you smile
and my eyes pierce you through
but still you linger for a while

I breathe in and you breathe out
I see you but you don't know me
my tears quench this drought
and turns into the dead sea.

Your happy eyes make me sick
I want to cut myself and be normal
but my blood is so dark and thick
I can't bleed like others at all!

I see you set free unto the world
like a devastating black plague
I see you, you eat my tortured soul
you see me now, empty and vague

I am nothing without you taunting me
you see me, this empty broken shell
you hear me, my absent-minded plea
you see me now and know me so well.

I always see you and know you somehow
you see me, you hear me, you fear me
I love you, I hate you, I want you now
you smile perfectly but you don't want me.

I see you: perfect smiling happiness
I see you as all the words I can't say
your chaotic perfection makes me die
and I can't wait to die each day...

Disposable People

Disposable people floating down the street
They have no voices, they have no feet
They open their mouths but nothing comes out
They can't scream and they can't shout.
And once upon a time they WERE power
but now it's theirs and no longer ours
we've been stripped to work as slaves
and all the blood our ancestors gave
Lost all it's powerful meaning
to remember their names is demeaning
because we have lost any relevance.
But still there is a small chance!
Their names echo through time and space
Shinning upon us their long lost grace.
And we shall rise with them once more
to turn wrong in to right has they did before...

My Curse on You

Spare all of your worn and fake excuses
hollow words fall on deafened ears
all that you say my soul refuses
nothing you show appeases my fears.

The world changes on a simple dime
one day you might find you need me
but then I shall be out of time
and have somewhere else to be

I shall show you the same courtesy
all of you have kindly extended
to someone as weird as me.
I know you all feel so offended.

I am sorry I am independent and intelligent
so much smarter than all of you put together
you are all so clearly and absolutely adamant
on having me banished from here forever.

That would actually be a most welcomed kindness
because living in this forsaken and awful town
amongst all you intolerant absentmindedness
has always brought me sadness I try to drown.

Fools like you I deal with every day
you're all just so recklessly arrogant
get over yourselves and give me my pay
start realizing you're all just irrelevant.

None of you really doest matter
and none of you will ever be enough
you're all the reason for my laughter
we're clearly not made of the same stuff.

You all think you're high and above others
equality is not a concept know to you
your mistakes aren't yours but another's
you always like to blame someone new.

But some day karma will catch up
and YOU will have hell to pay.
There will be no one left to shut up
no gods left to whom you can pray

Nothing left but this curse I unleash on you
written with desperate everlasting tears,
with violent unspoken hate that grew
and shall always echo through the years.

Beauty

Beauty fades, look away!
I am not who I was before
I am not beautiful anymore
Nor have the power to sway

Or bend men to my will
I am nothing but crippled shadow
with many dreams unfulfilled
each day they're inclined to grow

Making me fall from the highest of heights
tears cutting deeper on my face
preventing me from enjoying all sights
driving me away from sweet embrace.

And if as they say love is blind
could you love a shadow of what was?
Would you put your hand in mine
with no other reason but "just because"?

And if I die in your arms this night
with your kiss as my last breath
would you follow me in to the light?
Would you join me in death?

If Only

If only I knew what I know now
life would have been much easier
I wouldn't break my back with a bow
trying to get things as they were

instead of trying to please myself
chasing my wildhearted dreams
so now I've become someone else
chasing what is never as it seems.

If only I could just refuse
this burden set upon me.
All the time I am confused
by what it means to be free.

I always manage to run and to escape
the person everyone thinks I should be.
I have no more thoughts for you to rape
there's nothing more you can do to me.

If only words were sharp swords
I would be the mightiest of warriors
with concepts you cannot afford
or understand and analyze further.

In the end I am the only winner
and you are nothing but irrelevant
you might see me as hateful sinner
I don't care, your opinion has been spent.

If only I were like everyone else
I would be highly recommended
But I would much rather kill myself
than be one of the accepted...

So I just smile and dream of better days
when no one else will fall prey to your scam
and there will be many causes to praise
that I cannot be other than who I am.

If only life were an open road
and I was upon it free to travel
I would no longer feel that I am owed
and happiness would finally unravel.

But I am a prisoner of circumstance
of whom the fates conspire against
and my heart weighs in the balance
reliving all that it once sensed...

The Unattainable

I am drained of thought
Stripped of any emotion
and what I once sought
like love and devotion

has turned into tragedy
a crumpled piece of paper
thrown to the floor by me
as means to feel safer...

The life on that paper
as illusion dreamt by a girl.
Now I am no longer her
but another fragment of the world

Chewed up and spit out
misunderstood and mangled
wondering what it was all about
lost in words I can't untangle

trying to explain the unexplainable
fiercely living the unthinkable
fighting against the unimaginable
loving the unattainable...

Remember...

Soft quivering lower lip
and mysterious eyes
an addiction you can't kick
drowning in a pool of sighs
long crooked pale fingers
hold my madness together
while old lies still linger
remember, there is no forever!

All I Have to Give is All I Have Left...

As I lay me down to sleep
I close my tired eyes
and cover my cold feet
with blankets of cries
that pour out of me
because of you...
and I don't want to see
what you'll do
when you finally realize
you were wrong
to live a life of lies
and tune out our song...
You wouldn't let me live
But I haven't left you yet
and all I have to give
is all I have left...

Break Down

 

I can't sleep, I can't think

I'm about to break down

as I feel my heart sink

in thoughts created to drown

the mightiest of hearts...

defying death my only option

all around me there's sparks

flying from my own concoction

they distract and blind me

they slowly burn my hair

as they fly towards the sea

hanging on my prayers...

there's a dream that won't go away

I am smiling and you are there

with all the perfect words you say

and you really do care...

But I wake up and feel confused

when I realize it was all a dream

and I am still the same misused

waiting to be redeemed.

I am no one going no where

you are gone, just another memory

and I have no more love to spare

I guess I am finally free...

so why does it hurt still?

If I am free I should live

but I lack a strong will

I don't think I can forgive

The person I used to be

for killing who I am now

for not being able to see

the who, the why and the how... 

Destruction

I want to break the sky and blind the sun
rip the clouds apart and stab the earth
I want to see all the animals run
as I hunt them down for their worth

I want to wither every beautiful flower
and dry up all the oceans, rivers and lakes
I want to burn this last flicker of the hour
and set myself free no matter what it takes.

I want to stop the world and existence
so the pain can finally come to an end
I take the path of least resistance
with no one on it to befriend...

And when this destruction is finally done
I can fall to my knees and take a last breath
because in the end I will have finally won
and I'll let myself be embraced by Death.

Until

You walk around surrounded by perfection

perfect children and a perfect wife

a sense of purpose, a future direction

perfect happiness, perfect life

Perfect smiles inside a perfect house

looking forward to a perfect ending

and I still don't know what it's about

my soul hasn't finished mending

And sometimes late at night I can's sleep

I lie in bed perfectly still thinking of you

and all of the pleasent company that I keep

could never stop me from feeling this blue

Life has lost it's meaning if it had one a all

I can't remember the last time I smiled

I can't remember if I ever felt this small

so I'll just sit here on my own for a while

Until everything starts to make some sense

Until I stop being so blind...

Until my last hour has already been spent

Until I finally lose my mind...

Feel Something

I almost feel alive
when I look in your eyes.
I almost feel something
though I have nothing

but a broken heart.
I knew from the start
I'd feel nothing
as you kept walking.

Even if I took it all back
you'd never pick up the slack
and I almost feel something
though there is nothing

but old memories that flutter
no longer a nagging bother
almost make me feel something
something is better than nothing.

And what keeps me alive
keeps me empty inside.
I wish I'd feel anything
but all I feel is nothing...

Empty Minds

Empty minds
explore the world
with inquiring eyes
they see gold
everywhere they look
I see nothing...
I miss the eyes you took
with which I saw something
in us, in you...
Now I'm just blind
but I know what's true
and how I can find
my place in this world
and some peace of mind
to mend my soul...

Dream Undone

I can bend words to my will
is it a blessing or a curse
this natural ability to fill
infinite pages but not my purse...

Sometimes I feel blessed
thinking, feeling, writting
all these characters undressed.

Other times I am cursed
but not thinking, feeling, writting
would be so much worse.

Thus I live in this world I created
always dreaming of what may come
is it all random or just fated
or just a dream coming undone?

Fake Smiles

Fake smiles, emulated feelings
Awkward presence, muted words
Spewed out without meaning
Running toward the absurd

I am living life in slow motion
Nothing is as it seems...
Longing for absolution
wanting to be seen.

But the world is blind
and fake smiles rise as the sun
but sill... in my mind
everything comes undone

And my heart stops beating
replaced by modern machinery
to emulate human feelings
and pretending it beats free...

The notion of you and I
Is nothing but a dream
was nothing but a lie
It was never what it seemed...