They say love conquers all... but what does unrequited love conquer? Nothing but sorrow, a loss of feeling and sense of self. I've spent most of my life trying to get over you but every time I think I am doing fine memories and thoughts of you come creeping in like the sun seeping in through the blinds of my window. In times of great sorrow you are always with me, in my thoughts. I never had the courage to tell you how I feel because I wanted to grow up. But the truth is I am grown up but these feelings remain. I sometimes tell myself they're nothing but a sweet fantasy I created to keep me going. Other times I am frustrated because I would like the fantasy to be reality. When I am around you I can't stop smiling and when I look in your green eyes nothing else exists... it's like you and I are the only ones in the world. Your smile alone keeps me going on for days... when you speak to me happiness seems possible. But I dare not ever talk about any of this with you or anyone else. I know such feelings couldn't possibly be reciprocal so I just live each day and dream of you at night. I have know idea what the hell I am thinking most of the time. I never know where or what life will bring. But the one thing that remained constant throughout my life is this aching inside me, this silent love I hold in my heart. I have changed inside and out. Nineteen years have passed! But you remain... I am forever the teenager who feel in love with the boy with the green eyes...
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If I could keep those feelings, the ones you hold, untouched like you, it would be great, but not me, never me. At a certain point in time that changed, I started juging them, and her, and those feelings just went away, I remaind so empty, life became a little more meaningless, and all hope in true love had gone. This is another one of those comments I hate to post...sry Edna, I'm so emotionally retarded.
You have no idea how long I've fought to numb out these feelings I have for someone that I'll never get back. It is driving me insane! I wish I could get rid of them... but I can't... everytime I think I'm free of them and I start to have some sort of normalcy in my life they come flooding back in to drown me... it's absolutely crippling! You have no idea! I've been in this "prison" for almos 20 years. It's like trying to escape Alcatraz. And you're not emotionally retarded... I am! Because I can't untangle myself from these feelings. But I've come to terms with them and I know they'll always be part of me. So I just... I really have no idea how I push through each day... I just do because there's really nothing else I can do.
Well..I could give you the recipie, but the alternative is a f%^ked up as the feelings themselves, so I guess we're screwed no matter what!
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