I am sure that I am not a God and I know I won't live forever. I want to live! I want to experience all that the world has to offer. I want to be mother, teacher, daughter, lover... but love keeps slipping through my fingers like sand in a desert... I keep running towards it furiously but I just keep finding illusions... oasis... not true love. It's the one thing I don't have and it's the one thing I ache for the most. I ache for it... At night when I close my eyes to sleep and darkness seeps in I dream of a love that even time would lie still for. A god would have been able to make such miracles happen... so therefore, I am not a god. I am not even close... death will take me one day... sooner or later we all dance with Death. We cry, we try to reason with it but in the end Death takes us all... we fear it because we don't understand it. We fear it because we think it's the end of our world and our god-like status (for those who think of themselves as gods). Many fear it because they think (know) they will be sent to the deepest pits of hell. I don't fear hell because the life I am living now is the worst hell I could ever dream up for myself. I think that death is only the beginning... of what I don't know. But I like to think that all my ancestors are waiting for me and will greet me with such love that I've never known before. A tear comes to my eye just imagining such love being showered upon me. Don't get me wrong... I am not in a hurry to die. I have yet much to accomplish and much to suffer. I have much to live for and can't wait for the next chapter. Every year is a chapter... the days are pages. And my life is a book. And this blog contains some fragments that will live on here in cyberspace.
1 comentário:
So...
You're mad at the universe, but mostly at yourself, or at the person you imagine yourself to be? That's just a damn waste, girl, you can do so much more...
If you feel there's room for change in any part of your life, make it so - don't complain aimlessly, as a caveman screaming at the storm, then bawling after the fisrt thunder...
You're so much better than you think, you're so much stronger than you imagine and so lucid that if your wit was a razor, you'd have to distribute bandaids everytime you opened your mouth :)
As I said before, it takes a brave woman - and you're nothing if not brave.
Fierce even. Intense and focused, an example of resilience, persistence and self-determination.
I won't pretend to know what you're going through, as to each his (or hers) own hell, but I can tell you this - it only gets better after you've hit the bottom.
You're in tune with your own conscience, and the mistakes you made in the past, you've faced your fears and came out stronger.
You've battled your personal demons, be it neglecting family, friends, absent lovers, despodent gods and even disdaining fate... And you're still standing.
Battered and scruffed, maybe, somewhat broken and bleeding, granted, but still proud and very much defiant...
You're a fighter, girl, you never say die, wou don't quit and you don't take "no" for an answer...
You're a newyorker, goddamnit!
God made NY to test the faithful, so what be you?
A nobody? Or a somebody?
Be the latter, finish the fight ;)
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