Sunday Rant

There is a time and place for everything. Right now time stands still, I stand still, but the world is speeding. Where are the cops? The world should get a speeding ticket and a fine. Time stands still and so do I... but still I grow old. Time is not yours and it certainly isn't mine so why do I think so much and so out of line?

I haven't seen or talked to him in ages. The world keeps speeding up! So much it makes me sick and I puke. The world is in a whirl and I am still. I can't fix my eyes on one point so I keep them closed. But as I close my eyes darkness seeps in... in stages. First the blurriness of the dizzying motion, then the bright colors you see right after you shut your lids, then the colors swallowed up by darkness. I want to open them again but I am afraid.

What if I open my eyes and everything is gone except the everlasting motion of the world? What if I open my eyes and I am a dead corpse... a thought someone is having at that precise moment? Nothing but a useless memory. Deceiving useless memories... What if I open my eyes and look in the mirror and actually see myself? What if I see that I am actually someone else?

Who I was and who I am... they fight within me every second. They can't see eye to eye or walk hand in hand. Inside of me is constant quarrel. Infinite madness wrapped in self-pitiful  sadness.
And as I write these words of woe I have already forgotten what they are about. I am confused... I am human - broken down and misused. I am not crazy but still I shout! I shout for freedom! I shout for the right to be, to exist as I am! I fight and scream with my last breath for the world to slow down, for time to move one, for myself to push through... I shall always fight with passion, I shall fight to the death! I shall fight within myself until all qualms and quarrels are resolved. I shall  cry when I look in the mirror but I shall make peace with myself...