You'll Miss Me...

Inside me there's a darkness
that I disguise as sorrow
so I can forget the bleakness
of a string of same tomorrows
this darkness inside of me
consumes everyone in it's path
it won't ever set me free
from it's evil and it's wrath
and this fire that burns
turning love into ash,
turning sighs into spurns
a heart thrown to the trash.
this everlasting emptiness
swallows me up whole
diving into darkness
and forever losing my soul.
I slowly close my eyes
and try to cry
for feelings to arise
moments before I die.
But it's just a dream
and I slowly awake
with the sound of my own scream
reality made fake
by dreams that torment
a mind slowly breaking
with smiles unspent
and a heart that's aching...
But the darkness within
slowly takes over
like a second skin
like a suit of armor.
The fire inside still burns
evil laughter drowns out sigh
but time still turns
forcing me to say goodbye.
I'm a hollowed old puppet
hung by bloody and fleshy strings
I was never your favorite
I never did pluck your heartstrings.
So I dive into the darkness
and I'll let myself be
eaten by it's blackness
but you'll miss me... you'll see!

Pain Remains the Same

I try to scream and I try to shout
but my voice has been muted by the way you acted
I am trapped within myself and I'm reaching out
through the wires of a heart I disconnected.
Can you live with the pain that you felt before
can you accept what fate has in store
will you be able to bare
breathing someone else's air
and living someone else's love?
can you be the one he thinks of?
Can you be the ghost they want you to be?
can you close your eyes and pretend not to see?
You're not living you're just watching life pass by
You're not listening and you believe every lie
You're an empty shell, numb, broken
you have a hole inside because your heart's been stolen
you know you'll never be chosen
you know you'll never be the one
you know it all but still you hope
because you can't cope
the truth is like a blinding light
cuting through the dark night...
and the shadows love you
because the world discards you.
Your eyes are windows to another world
that exists within your soul
you laugh you cry you smile you scream
his gaze invades your dreams
you're silent you're broken you're torn
you're wishing you were never born
you curse who cursed you
but you can't stop feeling blue
nothing you say and nothing you do
will ever make you stop feeling blue
it's useless and it's pointless
to blame the blameless
there is no one to blame
no one to share the shame
It's all your own doing, your creation
never a fragment of imagination
It was all real and time never stood still
and a broken heart is hard to fill
if you can't stop and mend it first
then you can quelch the thirst
and you can smile again...
and right there and then
you can forget about the pain
even though the pain remains the same.

Valentine's Day

You say your love is in a corner
I say that my love is a goner
valentine's day lasted 5 minutes
no sweet whispers or chocolates
no public displays of affection
no sudden disregard for caution
and the one I once embraced
shared words written in haste
from the other side of the screen
that stir inside me like caffeine
giving me a much needed morning kick
even when inside I am feeling sick
the day was over before it begun
every year it comes as a burden
for lost love always comes to mind
making new love harder to find.
my heart is a broken piece of glass
you try to clean up like our past
but the tiny pieces you can't see
will forever make you think of me.
It's just another day that passes by
the pain that time brings makes me cry
at each breath I clutch my chest
thinking of the one I loved best
wishing I could go back in time
and change myself and every crime.
But these dreams I must put aside
and lock aways the tears now dried
Because life is just one great show
it leads you where the wind blows
but nothing in life is random
and every thought that you abandon
was designed and mastered by fate
but you realize it all too late
and past valentine's days rush in
while your head dives in a spin
but you can see all your mistakes
and your heart slowly breaks
because all this time you were wrong
when you should have been strong
you gave away your heart
to one who tore it apart
when the one you should love
the one you should be thinking of
is patiently waiting forever
while you give him never...
Valentine's day is a curse
created by brainy commerce
It brings me nothing but sorrow
and a very painful tomorrow
brought on by plentiful booze
and all that the bar spews.
I wake up thinking: maybe next year...
Maybe true love will find me here.

No rhyme or reason

I'm not asleep but I'm not awake
I'm not real but I'm not fake
I can't move but I'm not still
this glass half empty I want to fill
It's not me and it's not you
it's not a lie and it's not true
I'm not alive but I'm not dead
can't take back what's been said
can't pretend to be myself
and I can't be someone else.
I am tough but also vulnerable
my thoughts are considerable
but my words are scarce
I'm a coward but also fierce
I'm not blind but I can't see
I'm not a prisoner but I'm not free
I'm not deaf but I can't hear
it isn't courage but it's not fear
I'm not sensitive but I feel
with this cracked heart of steel
hollow and broken by the world
I'm not empty but I have no soul
It's not the dark nor the light
and day turns into night
I watch my life passing me by
It's not silence nor a cry
There's no rhyme or reason
only the passing of each season.
It's none of the things I thought of
it's only a forgotten love...