Uncertainty

Uncertainty lies ahead... I thought I had my life all maped out. I'm 32 years old going on 33 and I have no idea where my life is going. Some time ago this freaked me out! And I gave into panic and made a huge mistake. Correcting this mistake is costing me more than I could ever have imagined. I never thought I'd end up with an empty heart. All I had in me was taken or thrown away by others. Now I have to fill myself up with feeling again but I don't know how.

I failed miserably. I tried to wake someone who slept through his whole life. But I had to find out the hard way that he was actually in a coma and won't ever wake up. So I moved on.

I am a colector of heartache. But now my collection is complete... I am ready to live MY life. I am ready to break the cycle that's been haunting my life for so long. I am ready to take care of myself. I want to bring back to life the passion I once had for things... small things, big things... anything! I lost my lust for life. The trivial things that once brought me such joy and that amazed me are now... well... just trivial. Nothing brings a smile to my lips. Nothing catches my eye. I feel so numb and so utterly alone...

I feel neglected... I've been neglected by others but mostly I've neglected myself. So I guess I have no one to blame but myself for all the mistakes I've made. I take responsability. And now I move on and try to do better. Because you can't ask anything more of people that for them to do better... and I soooooooo strive to rise above all the mistakes I've made. I try to learn from them... but sometimes I let myself get blinded by fake light and fake promises... I am wearing sunglasses now... :)

The path ahead is filled with uncertainty... but I'd rather be uncertain than live a miserable unhappy life...