I know I usually post poetry on here but I have to be honest... I haven't felt very inspired lately. I've been going through the motions. I just dove right in to this deep depression and now I'm just sort of stuck in a funk. Books don't take me away to that magical world I used to escape to; I don't listen to music anymore... none of the music I love makes me want to move or tap my foot; my guitar is desperately screaming out my name yearning for me to pluck its strings; I can't feel anything. I don't smile anymore. I don't cry either. I cried everything I had to cry. I don't think I'm capable of crying anymore. I just feel numb. Like I'm a ghost walking around. No one sees me or knows me. No one cares enough to...
So this summer I just took refuge up north at my parents'. But all the peace and quiet haven't helped much either. I feel stuck. I feel like I'm some sort of functioning comatose patient. I walk, I talk, I do things... but I'm just not all here. I feel like I lost the joy of living. I'm stuck in a loop. Every day I wake up and go about things as usual... sort of like that movie Groundhog Day.
All those memories that keep rushing through my head those few seconds before you fall asleep and those few seconds before you're fully awake... I wish I could erase them... delete them. I don't want to carry them around with me anymore. I want them gone. I just want to understand why people are so hurtful... they have nothing to gain. Maybe it's just some latent sadistic pleasure... I don't know. I'll never know. And I'll never understand. I want to move on. I want to feel and smile again. I don't want to be stuck in this funk anymore.
All I ever wanted was to be happy but I guess it's the one thing I'll never be able to get...
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