New Year: giving in to fate

I have been silent for quite some time. A new year has come and I find myself standing still. I am forever doomed and bound to this place. A puppet for these people. The smile that once my lips formed has been smacked from my face by fate. The light in my eye has been snuffed by circumstance. The sounding laughter silenced by a bleek future. My shape is not my own anymore. I have given the reign of my life to destiny. I am not myself anymore. This is what the new year brought me: an understanding... an awareness. You can't fight fate. It's pointless! It's like fighting against the strong current of the sea: eventually your arms will tire and you will stop fighting. You will accept your fate. I accept mine. So I don't know if I'll keep on writting because I find that there really isn't a point... I have succumbed to fate and have no will to keep on fighting it. That is what the new year taught me. There is no "hopefully", "eventually" or "maybe". I have no more imagined paths to write to let me keep on clinging to hope. There are no more dreams left within me to share. My imagination as died. My soul withered. My lips are numb and my fingers to dry and cold to keep on writting passionate make-believe stories. There are no happy endings. You are born naked and alone... and to the after life you are sent naked and alone. The in between is pointless and cruel. Too painful to recall. Better left unsaid as untouched versions of the truth. I don't pretend to know everything. Actually I think I know nothing... I just woke this new year with a sense that something inside me as finally broken... after everything I've been trhough it was the glimpse of another pointless new year that finally brought me to my knees. The past 5 years I've felt like I am standing still while the rest of the world is pushing forward at a speed that is mind-numbing painful and blinding. Everything, everyone I held dear moved on. I don't know if it is I who couldn't move on with them or if they just left me behind. I guess maybe a little bit of both. I know I am stuck but I don't know why... I want to move forward but I can't. There is no sane explanation as to why I won't allow myself to push on. I am tired... tired and worn out. We are two days into the new year and I am feeling more tired than ever I did before. Maybe my giving in to fate will put my mind at ease and allow me some rest.