The Raven

I am... well... I guess I don't have words to describe what I'm feeling. I will tell you how I came to be feeling this indescribable feeling. Last night, it was late and I was in bed watching TV. I was trying to fall asleep but couldn't. Got up and went to get some water because I was thirsty. When I walked back into my room I just stood there staring at my desk and at my computer. I turned back on. I went online and started talking to an old friend. I've been enjoying our conversations after a long period of silence. It was past 1 a.m. when we both logged off. I went back to bed but I started crying. I have no idea why. Or maybe I do... I feel alone. I am lonely and fear I'll never find someone who understands me. That is why I sometimes cry myself to sleep. And that's how I fell asleep last night. And this morning I woke up to the sound of a car honking it's awful loud horn and I wanted to kill whoever was driving it. These murderous thoughts are pretty understandable if you are an insomniac like I am. I was in the bathroom when my mom's cousin let herself in with an errand my dad asked her to run. I talked with her for a bit and then she left. I then brewed some coffee and drank it while I was scouring through the web for some juicy news. Got dressed, had lunch and got in my car to drive to work. Passed by some crazy drivers and I got to a point where I had to stop the car because I saw a huge bird flying over and ahead of me and I remember thinking "holy shit! this isn't normal... I must be hallucinating!" and I stopped the car to make sure I was just imagining things. But I wasn't... the huge bird was in fact a raven. I got back on the road and the raven flew ahead of me for a couple of miles and I felt something I never felt before... I felt like I knew everything would be alright which is weird because I feel awkward, helpless and doomed all of the time. But as I looked up at the raven it was like I was staring in it's eye and knew... I just know and this feeling I can't name came over me like I don't have to try so hard anymore. Like it's okay to be myself and not care what other people think. I oddly don't feel like I need other people's validation anymore. I searched online for crow/raven lore and found out that ravens bring new things into one's life or they bring messages or share secrets. How can this one event at this point change my view on life so much? I guess I'm just ready to walk towards other directions. I guess I'm ready to follow, I'm ready to let go and be true to myself. I'm glad the raven flew over me this afternoon... it flew with me... it also set me free.