randomness of a.m. thoughts

I just woke up. It's 6 a.m. and I'm still in bed. The first thing I thought of was to grab my phone and check the time. Maybe this time I had slept 8 hours. No joy. I slept 7 hours. But at least I slept 7 hours straight. I still have an hour left and I even turned to the side to try and go back to sleep. My brain won't let me. All the thoughts and processes just start hammering away and there's just no use trying to stop it and go back to sleep. I'll just end up feeling frustrated.


Yesterday evening when I was driving home the sun was setting. It had been a good day. The sun shone down on us all and we felt amazing. Driving home the sky was filled with colors like an awesome piece of art. Even though it wasn't fully far you could see the moon. It was pale, full and bright and I thought that I was just like that moon - pale and full... sometimes bright. There was a circle around the moon which is a sign of trouble about to come. I was alert. I am fully alert. After talking with the latest object of my obsession I realized we are not in sync and so after careful consideration i decided to keep my distance. When two people are not in the same wave length it always ends badly and I don't want that to happen. I'd rather just keep my head down and do nothing. Detachment is something I don't fully understand. How can some people just sleep with someone without feeling a spark of anything? I'm not talking about physical attraction. A person can feel attracted to someone and not act on it. I'm talking about passion or caring. Maybe even love. Because there are different types of love. And you can love someone and have a carefree friends with benefits situation. But people always seem to think that if you're not detached you're attached. I don't see it that way. You can have the in between - the friends with benefits. If you think about it carefully you can't ever have a successful full-on all the way relationship without being friends first. There has to be mutual respect and caring. There has to be complicity and companionship. Without any of these a relationship will fail. And just because you live with someone or you have some kind of verbal or written agreement doesn't make your relationship successful. People tend to get lazy and stuck in a rut. To top off this morning randomness of thoughts - I love all my friends. I feel for them and I care about them. I could never sleep with someone I didn't feel something for. But I am fully aware that I am not built for a full-on let's live together relationship. That being said... I'm just going to stick to my job, hang out with my co-workers, stay put and just breathe.