where I belong

Old memories are like roots of a century old tree wrapping around certain parts of your brain. They grow and dig in deeper when you least expect it. New memories pale in comparison. New memories are like birds nesting in the century old tree... eventually they grow and fly away. They also sometimes die. But the tree... the tree remains. Silently growing. Deepening it's roots. And the tree may live a long life unless the forest where it lives is burnt down... or if man decides he needs it's wood for something and cuts it down. I've been cut down many times. I've cried oceans of tears. I felt my heart crack and shatter into a thousand million pieces. I've been rejected and humilliated. I've been let down many times. But I am still here! I am resilient. I shall always stand on my own two feet and scream: "is that all you got?" - just like the heroin in some stupid hollywood action movie. I am a mighty oak tree and even if you cut me down I'll always leave behind roots that will sprout up again to regain their ground. I'll be a memory to be reckoned with... just like you are. Your roots have overpowered my mind... sometimes I can't tell the difference between memory and dream. But it doesn't bother me much because memory or dream they're the only pleasure I have left so I hold on to them with a smile. As I drift off every night I am full of hope but when I awake the next morning I am filled with dispair. It's like some sort of twisted version of the tooth fairy visits me every night and sprinkles me with unhappiness... or some succubus sucks the life and happiness out of me. Whatever it is it's driving me insane. I wish I could have one night of perfect slumber maybe then I could start to see things a bit more clearly and I could start to put my life back together. I feel like somehow I hit the pause button on my life or I'm caught in some sort of wacked out loop. Where do I go from here? I'm stuck and I don't know what to do next. I wish I had some sort of wizard of Oz to guide me or to help me realize stuff... I am really tired... I can't remember the last time I had a decent night's sleep. I really can't think straight right now... My brain is kind of crashing and I feel like I'm slipping in and out of myself. Hopefully this post will make some sense to a few of you... who ever is reading this. I hear the music far away and the birds... I see the setting sun. I hear a dog barking. It's a peaceful countryside scenery. But I feel like there is a piece missing. Or maybe I'm an extra piece in this puzzle that doesn't quite fit. I close my eyes and take it all in... I try to feel like I belong. But I don't. I wish I knew where I belong...