segunda-feira, 18 de novembro de 2013

If People Were Words


If people were words
you'd be the most beautiful one of all
that one that makes me tremble
the one word that makes me sigh
even when I don't know why.
the most beautiful kept secret
deep within my simple heart
A word so lush and strong
that lights my darkest night
shining through eternity so bright.
The word that burns my soul
the most beautiful word
in the whole wide world.

quinta-feira, 14 de novembro de 2013

How


how do I chose
how do I live
how can I lose
if I've nothing to give

how do I smile
and how do I lie
how can I sit here
and cry for a while

how can I succeed
how can I even try
how can I lead
if I just want to hide

how can I speak
and how do I belong
I'm just another freak
singing a broken song

and how can I sing
how can I cry
I don't have anything
I just want to...die!


Father


Father
why did you leave me alone?
I don't know what I have done

Father
I can't understand this fear
I don't know why am here

I ask myself who am I
if even you don't want me
and I'm so lost without you
who am I?

I ask myself who am I
you walked out that door
I don't know who I am anymore
who am I?

Father
your letters are gone
I am no longer as strong

Father
your phone calls are short
they give me no support

I ask myself who am I
if even you don't want me
and I'm so lost without you
who am I?

I ask myself who am I
you walked out that door
I don't know who I am anymore
who am I?

I have a thorn in my side
you don't know how much I cried
I'm the daughter you condemn
Now I don't know who I am

Father
I don't know what to say
or why it must be this way

Father
I was never your doll
you never knew me at all...



quarta-feira, 11 de setembro de 2013

Last Chance



The past becomes the present
and the future is torn apart
I have no one left to resent
to blame for my broken heart

Dead birds on the sidewalk
are pretty much like sorrow
I can't sleep, I can't talk
I know I have no tomorrow...

The drink that took my soul
on that fateful blurry night
has finally pierced a hole
where once there was light.

And thoughts are scattered
as we smile and slow dance
you let go, my heart shattered
This was my one last chance...


terça-feira, 10 de setembro de 2013

Not All There




I don't want to sit and write
I want to feel this pain
void of any kind of light
as I let myself fall again

there aren't any right words
to keep me from breaking apart
nor enough lies in the world
to help mend my weak heart.

Soft hands running down my back
are hardly enough to fix me
and make me forget what I lack
or keep me from what I see.

I know I am weird and off
always drowning in strife
but tepid kisses aren't enough
to bring me back to life...

He knows I'm not all there
that's what makes me perfect
because he doesn't really care
I am just another reject...


sábado, 31 de agosto de 2013

From Afar



Under the same stars
waiting for dreams to come
we both wish from afar
both perfectly numb...

waiting to awake with a kiss
to quench our hunger
And surely we won't miss
all these years of slumber.

segunda-feira, 12 de agosto de 2013

Love is Lost



Love is lost
and I am lost in love
that is the cost
of which I speak of.

Being lost within
voiceless and numb
dreaming of when
I used to strum

my song to you
but you can't hear it now
and I'm lost and blue
choking on broken vow

once spoken in haste
during blissful moment
feelings misplaced
no possible atonement...

I fall within myself
lost in one lonely thought
fearing only fear itself
It was all for nought...


I Swear...



I am here but not all there
I have no more heart to spare
I am here but not fully aware
this hell I live I must bare

He is still as free as the tides
there is no rule that he abides
His eyes are with which he hides
all the lies with which he divides

and conquers my broken heart
to once more rip it apart
like he did right from the start
so much so it's a work of art

this carved up heart I wear
is mere ornament not so rare
and I am here but not all there
but I still love you, I swear!



terça-feira, 6 de agosto de 2013

Fools in the rain



When it finally started to rain people ran outside and danced. Their clothes grew damp and as their clothes got wet they frenzied back inside to dry back off. They scattered around the house and went about their own business. I was one of those people but when I came back inside I sat by the window still wet forgetting about the cold. I would watch the drops of rain run down the window unpredictable and would sometimes catch a glimpse of my own reflection on the glass and think "who am I?". I would breathe on the glass and draw a question mark on the condensation. I would look outside again but felt nothing. The rain I so longed for had brought nothing with it. It did not wash away the sorrow. It just wet the fields and filled the air with the smell of wet summer. A smell I always loved and now was  indifferent  to. And  as I sit here writing this I can still see the young teenager running barefoot on the grass taking in every smell, sound and sight possible like an animal that's been set free back into the wild... I guess I've been in captivity for far too long. They have broken me... Life has broken me. And although I still struggle to break free, as is my nature, I know it will never happen. 

Then the rain kept on falling... and falling... for days. And everybody was tired of the rain. They were happy when it came but now wanted it to stop. Not me. I wanted the rain to last forever mirroring the pain I felt and no one could see. My hard shell keeps all the emotion from bursting out into the air. Some people consider numbness to be the absence of anything of substance inside but being numb is mostly having all these feelings and never expressing them. While everyone was wishing the rain away I sat in a corner wishing I was someone else. Then lighting struck and everyone was startled. Everyone but me... I didn't even flinch. But no one noticed. No one cared. I don't think anyone even knew I was there. A storm was about to hit and every flash of light that cut through the sky made me smile for some twisted reason. The lights went out. People were in a panic and started moving around looking for candles. I just sat there. I wish I could tell you that at that moment I had some sort of profound realization but the truth is I thought of nothing. I think that it was the only time in my whole life when my mind was blank and void. Everyone went to sleep but I just stayed in my corner. I sat there for hours watching the storm come close, hit and finally clear as sudden as it came. Then the rain stopped and I went to bed. As I drifted off I knew my life would always be just... this - a bunch of fools in the rain.

quarta-feira, 24 de julho de 2013

Waiting For You



I hear other voices in the background
but they're all muffled by the sound
of my own little simple heart breaking...

I hear the sound of shattered dreams
and see how people destroy everything
they know nothing is what it seems

and wrap themselves in torn out secrets
tied with perfect bows of obscene lies
hanging by strange looking amulets

I am not looking for anyone but myself
the one thing that keeps me from falling
is knowing that now I am someone else

The people around me are grey ghosts
haunting and taunting me each day
with different and misleading oaths

but I am not ready, it's not my time
so I close my eyes and stand still
life changes with a flip of a dime

and I'll be there to catch it
I'll be there waiting for you
to put out the fire I once lit...



domingo, 21 de julho de 2013

Absolution



I sat alone by the sea
waited for hours and hours
but no one came for me...

I sat silently and still
the taste of tears so sour
I can't bend time to my will

obsession never leaves me
it pounds in my chest
like the loudest heartbeat

death does seem to bring solution
none other seems to me best
to void myself of absolution.

Sunday Rant

There is a time and place for everything. Right now time stands still, I stand still, but the world is speeding. Where are the cops? The world should get a speeding ticket and a fine. Time stands still and so do I... but still I grow old. Time is not yours and it certainly isn't mine so why do I think so much and so out of line?

I haven't seen or talked to him in ages. The world keeps speeding up! So much it makes me sick and I puke. The world is in a whirl and I am still. I can't fix my eyes on one point so I keep them closed. But as I close my eyes darkness seeps in... in stages. First the blurriness of the dizzying motion, then the bright colors you see right after you shut your lids, then the colors swallowed up by darkness. I want to open them again but I am afraid.

What if I open my eyes and everything is gone except the everlasting motion of the world? What if I open my eyes and I am a dead corpse... a thought someone is having at that precise moment? Nothing but a useless memory. Deceiving useless memories... What if I open my eyes and look in the mirror and actually see myself? What if I see that I am actually someone else?

Who I was and who I am... they fight within me every second. They can't see eye to eye or walk hand in hand. Inside of me is constant quarrel. Infinite madness wrapped in self-pitiful  sadness.
And as I write these words of woe I have already forgotten what they are about. I am confused... I am human - broken down and misused. I am not crazy but still I shout! I shout for freedom! I shout for the right to be, to exist as I am! I fight and scream with my last breath for the world to slow down, for time to move one, for myself to push through... I shall always fight with passion, I shall fight to the death! I shall fight within myself until all qualms and quarrels are resolved. I shall  cry when I look in the mirror but I shall make peace with myself...

quinta-feira, 11 de julho de 2013

Hypocrisy



Hypocrisy has long legs
that stride in style
in heels turning heads
batting lashes, fake smile

she reels you in with a whisper
and though you see beauty,
all you want is to kiss her
inside there's only cruelty.

and when you least expect it
she strikes you like a snake!
when you realize you were bit
it's too late for you to wake

as you open your hazy eyes
to slowly take one last look
she has shed her disguise
but still you're on her hook.

you hear her walking away
her heels stomping over you
but still you must obey
you're mind wants nothing new.

And though she is not present
she shall forever be embedded
like a memory of a sweet scent
and you're next to embody her.

She is a witch that spells all
nobody is ever fully immune
and how easily I watch them fall
some of them fall way too soon.



quinta-feira, 4 de julho de 2013

Last Breath



I must cry so that I may write
I am empty but still I fight
I fight and make a big fuss
I fight for you, I fight for us

I toss and I turn at night in my bed
thoughts stir in the dark, in my head
I feel the sun and I haven't slept
my face is damp but I have not wept

the madness that is locked within
is only lust wrapped in original sin
A lust for life, for everything!
a passion for him, for nothing...

Because my everything is just nothing
even though it might be something
it will never be enough to fill me
my life will always be an endless plea

A longing burning me up inside
a secret that I cannot seem to hide
boiling blood running in my veins
a feeling that binds me up in chains

a kiss that in my dreams he stole
ravishing and taking me whole
so much so I fear I am close to death
with a kiss to seal my last breath.


quarta-feira, 19 de junho de 2013

Over Now



My coffee has gone cold
Feels just like winter
But the sun is gold
And I am here all alone

Waiting... breathing
The sound of my breath
Seems so absolving
Like I'm ready for death

My heart shatters
My eyes are the ocean
But it doesn't matter
I'll strip all emotion

Naked of all feeling
Forgetting myself
To start my healing
Becoming someone else.

I shouldn't be surprised
It's always the same
I am loved then despised
And I burn in the flame

Of your sweet lies
I forget myself once more
And hide behind my sighs
Like so many times before.

But it's all over now
My heart is a hard stone
That you carved somehow
And now I want to be alone.



Stale Words



Stale words unspoken
Over imaginary coffee
A heart that's broken
Eyes that cannot see

Hands missing touch
Chapped virgin lips
Happiness on a crutch
Nothing left but this

Your ghost haunting me
Warm breath on my skin
Old words taunting me
Making my head spin...

Where did it all go?
I am falling once again
And I think you know
I'm the fool in the rain

Where are you now?
I am falling once again
I can't stop somehow
Just say my name...

I'll wake to the sound
Of a voice I once knew
That is once more found
In you... always you.



quarta-feira, 12 de junho de 2013

Coffee



Silence broken and shattered
by simple words and stories
it was all that mattered
a chance to burn new memories

Coffee being the universal drink
to which all people mingle to
and I won't even dare blink
at a chance to have coffee with you

I will gush like a schoolgirl
hanging on your every word
Like they've never been heard
never mind the rest of the world

Let us sit and sip our coffee
and between awkward smiles
you will actually see me
and stay for a little while

You'll brush the hair from my face
and I'll feel your warm breath
on my skin and I'll feel safe
from everything... even death.



domingo, 9 de junho de 2013

Substance Infusion


I am high and wet
infused by booze
my mind is set
with eyes translucent

the moon is hidden
behind dark skies
and I am smitten
by his disguise

I fall in a trance
drugs and alcohol
make me dance and dance
to no sound at all

emptiness is filled
by this substance infusion
that dulls dreams unfulfilled
and numbs all confusion

the glass weighs heavy
and my hand is swollen
I can't up and leave
my life has been stolen

there is nothing left
but substance infusion
and memories of theft
without any conclusion.




terça-feira, 28 de maio de 2013

The Beginning

Where I end he begins
But I sometimes wonder
If I ever begun
And if he will ever end...

When I inhale
He exhales.
When he smiles
I cry...

When he sleeps
I am awake.
As he dreams
I watch over him.

When I am tired
He is filled with energy
And as he walks
I crawl...

My end is his beginning
But my beginning has no end
Because with true love
There's no difference at all...



Obsession



it creeps in slowly
without you knowing

it hits you hard
like a ton of bricks

it leaves a scar
that no one can fix

it cripples your mind
and numbs your soul

suddenly you're blind
to the rest of the world

it burns right through
your soft perfect skin

it doesn't become you
but it's your favorite sin

but when you close your eyes
and dreams flood your mind

you drown in all your sighs
a fake life to entertwine

This obsession you have
isn't obsession at all

it isn't all that bad
but you're afraid of the fall

you can't stop thinking of
if this is only love...?


Simple Soundtrack



mom crashed dad's mercedes
he wasn't too happy about it
that's what happens when ladies
- he said - drive a stick shift

mom didn't even care
it's only a car - she said
but I think she won't dare
take out the car again

dad called up his mechanic
the wife ruined the paint job
his voice had a hint of a panic
but mostly he's just a snob

trivial things such as these
stick to me like crazy glue
I feel like no one else sees
how life is annoyingly through

Life is bitching and moaning
it's pintching every penny
it's screwing and fucking
it's gossiping plenty

about this and that
about you and her
I can't settle for that
I'll never be her...

I'll never be anyone but me
I'll be crashing my own car
and I'll get up and see
that it's not very far

what life has in store for me
but will I accept it...?
will I be content or even happy?
there are many things I won't admit

especially about what's inside
their life is my soundtrack
that I use to safely hide
the feeling that I can't hack...




domingo, 26 de maio de 2013

Listen



Listen... don't hear.
Listen without fear
Listen from the start
the thump of your heart
Listen to the world
and release your soul
Listen with your mind
Listen and unwind
Listen to my voice
you don't have a choice
Listen to the night
and listen to the light
listen to every thing
listen to her sing
see her glisten
close your eyes and listen...



sexta-feira, 24 de maio de 2013

I don't want to...



I don't want to speak
because I'm too weak
I don't want to touch
it'll be too much...
I don't want this heart
you'll tear it apart
I don't want to break
but I know it's fake
I don't want to feel
I know it's not real
I don't want to joke
I just want to smoke
I don't want to think
I just want a drink
I don't want to hear
I give in to fear
I don't want to see
I just want to be
I don't want to fuck
you're shit outta luck!
I don't want to move
I just want to groove
I don't want to sing
all I do is sing...
I don't want to talk
I just want to walk
I don't want to dream
I just want to scream
I don't want to smile
let me sleep awhile
I don't have a soul
just fuck the world
I dont want to cry
I just want to die!



quarta-feira, 22 de maio de 2013

Exhaustion


Eyes deceived
by warm desire
soul deceased
consumed by fire.

Words unspoken
cloud the mind
heart is broken
always blind.

A lump of flesh
without a purpose
unable to refresh,
just decompose.

Knackered anxieties
massacred love
fading memories
I can't think of...



segunda-feira, 20 de maio de 2013

Empty at Last



Rancid coffee
and last night's buts
cough, cough, cry...

I am almost empty
but filled with thoughts
cough, cough, why?

Stale cookies
and forgotten dreams
chew, chew, spit...

Unbearably free
caught up in my screams
chew, chew, fake it!

Polluted tears
running down my face
drip, drip, splash!

Remembered fears
bring back some grace
drip, drip, a flash...

Rancid coffee
drunk very fast,
empty at last...


sábado, 18 de maio de 2013

Funeral Pyre



I have hollowed my body out with a spoon
and now I am trapped deep within myself
I pray for Death to come and take me soon
so I can come back to life as someone else

I watch as you lick the spoon with avid hunger
you always wanted all of me, who I used to be
I thought that I could rise and grow stronger
but all I became is this vile mess that you see

I am an empty vessel burning up from the inside
a devastating fire that consumes my whole being
leaving me with no special place that I can hide
or keep the world and you from actually seeing

that I am nothing but an empty broken sea shell
consumed by thoughts, by dreams, by lust, by desire
all of which are products of a perfectly conceived hell
trapped within myself burning in my own funeral pyre.

And this hell I birthed that kept me going and fighting
is slowly losing it's power each day as I grow older
it is now a flickering flame useful only for lighting
it's beauty is in the eye of the unknown beholder.


From Above



once a place of wisdom now a dark abyss
a heart that suddenly stopped beating
because there is nothing left to miss

a lump of decaying flesh shuffling
up and down these streets we know
slowly forgetting what is suffering

and the memories that we can't let go
are the last speck of meaningful love
we have of all we lived and can show

give me more of that which you speak of
because the light in my eye is fading
as you look at me from high above...

segunda-feira, 6 de maio de 2013

Layers



Layers and layers of lies peeled like an onion before my eyes...
a bridge runs over the river of tears I have cried every day
you built it to escape my endless embrace and empty sighs
You left and never said the words I always wanted you to say

But still I am here waiting for you and your bright light
as the words I could never mutter choke me up inside
don't you ever think that I am without witt or perfect sight
there is nothing left but the hollow chest you left behind

My tired eyes see only putrid death and vile destruction
my thoughtless mouth spews out nothing but awful obscenities
my broken distorted mind dreams only of ways of seduction
my trained ears can only tune in the odd forgotten rarities

I eat, drink, dream, shit, walk, talk, sleep, cry, smile
but all of these things are all as fake as you surely are
After years or what seemed like endless centuries of denial
I have finally realized, I know that I just want to go far...

Far from here, from everyone, from you, from everything I know
Nothing in the world will ever put out this fire that consumes me
the fire you lit without a second thoughtand now burns me up so slow
every hour is pain, every minute is torture, every second is agony...

terça-feira, 30 de abril de 2013

Last Day of April


The last day of April was uneventful
I spent the day sighing my life is so dull

I dream of a bag filled with yesterdays
I imagine the part the future plays

on  unraveling  my life and my will
a perfect love that lies silently still

I dream of someone who isn't real
it's the best way I know not to feel

And thus I keep my heart in a box
that no one in the world can unlock

And love is nothing but faded memory
Taken, ripped apart and hidden from me

Today, the last day of April I sit still
searching within myself against my will

And though the box with my heart is lost
One day I shall have it back no matter the cost

And you, self-proclaimed love of my life
will never make me a bride, a wife.

I am a wild creature very hard to tame
once I fall out of love I never fall back again...

Fuck You Very Much and Have a Nice Day



Fuck this job and fuck your face
Fuck you all! get out of my space

Fuck your fake bullshit and fucking lies
Fuck your backstabbing fucking smile

Fuck all the shit you want me to know
Fuck you to fucking death, you blow!

Fuck your car, fuck your dog, fuck you
Fuck you and all of your friends too.

Fuck the "man" and fuck the system
Fucking fuck everyone who is with them

Fuck whoever really gives a flying fuck
and fuck anyone who's shit out of luck

Fuck you, fuck her, fuck the world
and fuck your pure untainted soul

Fuck your conceited artistic bullshit
Fuck you! I'm done with it...

Fuck your husband and fuck yourself
Fuck you so much, go fuck someone else.

Fuck you and whatever you have to say
Fuck you very much and have a nice day...

quinta-feira, 25 de abril de 2013

Not Ready Yet



Why does my heart still ache?
you ripped it out of my chest
there's nothing left to take
from the one who loved you best

the hole you left I cannot fill
not with work, not with light
you took it all against my will
my love, my heart, my sight...

you were like the wildest hurricane
a perfect storm I could not tame
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I wonder if things would be the same

I fear it would all rush back in
and I would let myself fall
back in your arms to feel your skin
there's nothing I want more at all

But dreams are nothing but emptiness
and though I try hard to forget
so I can have some measure of happiness
I realize I am not ready yet...

A Long Lost Memory



A storm gathers to my eyes
as I stand still in the rain
running back all your lies
in my head again and again

I realize they weren't lies
I just heard what I wanted
your words filtered by sighs
that I once flaunted...

I close my eyes and nothing
but inside I feel everything!
How can you fake such touch?
how can someone love too much?

My skin is now a hot desert
no one new will ever flirt
or ever want to softly kiss
these arid poisoness lips

But when the storm subsides
peace will come with new tides
happines won't be a pipedream
I shall be filled with steam

warm enough to melt my heart
the desert shall have rain
and I will be a piece of art
that you stare at again and again.

And death will leave my side
my lips once more plump and juicy
and all the tears that I cried
will be a long lost memory.

Last Drinks



Give me a cocktail of whiskey and morphine
alprazolam, prozac and lots of nicotine
to help me get through another awful day
clear my mind of anything awkward to say

roll up that joint quickly and pass it around
I'm eager to puff it as I look at the ground
pretending I'm cool, artistic and smart
but inside I'm actually falling apart

thinking it might be our last night together
drenched in booze dreaming of forever
I close my eyes and pop another happy pill
I can't be perfect or bend life to my will

I can't hold you in my arms ever again
I don't want to think of other men
the piano keeps playing in the background
but I can't process any kind of sound

my heart stopped when you said you were leaving
I feel like a widow locked inside and grieving
your eyes filled with tears as many as your lies
you want to feel better by drowning me in sighs

give me another drink so I can forget myself
give me another so I can pretend I'm someone else
I'll look away as you drag yourself out that door
I'll look away and pretend I was never your whore

this is my last shot of booze, here's to you!
just this last one to help me push through
another one of those pills to help me dream
another puff of nicotine to muffle my scream.

sábado, 20 de abril de 2013

Your Eyes


Your eyes are knives that pierce and shread my soul
they are black holes that suck me into oblivion
there is no one else in the whole wide world
you are handpicked by fate in one in a million

you make my heart stop and start with a stare
black pools of madness in which I want to swim
and this secret that lives within is hard to bare
it's not an obssession or a monthly whim

It's in your eyes, the reflection of my own
I get lost in your deepest artistic thoughts
and if you do know please pretend you don't
because I shall slowly untie all the knots

I tied myself into as a spell cast by your eyes
and once more I can relish in confortable loneliness
as I emerge from this sea of uncontrolable sighs
and rid myself of this unbarebaly sweet illness.

your eyes are knives sharp that cut me to pieces
they are dark pools I dream of jumping in to
they are black pearls that shine like stolen kisses
your eyes are the darkness that make me blue...

quarta-feira, 10 de abril de 2013

I Can't Wait...


I faulter and my crippled mind explodes
I see you, I quiver, I melt, I die...
I see you, this time my heart implodes
I see you, you don't see me, I sigh.

My silence screams out to you
you don't listen, you smile
and my eyes pierce you through
but still you linger for a while

I breathe in and you breathe out
I see you but you don't know me
my tears quench this drought
and turns into the dead sea.

Your happy eyes make me sick
I want to cut myself and be normal
but my blood is so dark and thick
I can't bleed like others at all!

I see you set free unto the world
like a devastating black plague
I see you, you eat my tortured soul
you see me now, empty and vague

I am nothing without you taunting me
you see me, this empty broken shell
you hear me, my absent-minded plea
you see me now and know me so well.

I always see you and know you somehow
you see me, you hear me, you fear me
I love you, I hate you, I want you now
you smile perfectly but you don't want me.

I see you: perfect smiling happiness
I see you as all the words I can't say
your chaotic perfection makes me die
and I can't wait to die each day...

terça-feira, 9 de abril de 2013

Prayers and Wishes



I wish I could sleep for a thousand years
your voice would keep me here grounded
I wish I could stay until the smoke clears
but I don't want you to feel hounded

I wish I could dream of you every night
you would keep every nightmare at bay
because you are the mightiest light
you are the night and you are the day

I wish you would see me as I see you
as we both see the shining stars tonight
and as I sit here with nothing to do
I look up and feel such warm delight

I wish you could only feel what I feel
a rush of blood to this weary head
and a new deck of fateful cards to deal
but never knowing what is up ahead.

I wish my dreams could come true
standing before you my beating heart
It thumps and beats only for you
it always did from the very first start

I wish I could take back what you broke
and mend it so it could beat once more
I did not want this nightmare so I woke
so I could live like never before!

I wish you could only see me right now
living, breathing, smiling, rotting corpse
living life as much as life would allow
nothing you can imagine would be as worse...

segunda-feira, 8 de abril de 2013

I Am My Father's Daughter



I wake up in a sweat and open my eyes
corruption and injustice all around me
government spoon-feeds us bowls of lies
government is just a fancy word for slavery
Democracy as it was born is long forgotten
Socialism has been lost forever as well
Other political beliefs stripped of meaning
Any of these concepts no one can ever tell
and the truth you want is never the same
not for them, not for you, not for me
we're all just pawns in some sick game
never knowing if we are ever trully free
Slavery thrust upon us by and by
and the shackles strapped on us
as we keep eating up every vile lie
You may cripple our bodies but never our words!
You might have me be alone, broken and poor
and you may take all that I ever had
all those things I can and will endure
but you shall never cripple who I am!
I am my father's daughter after all
I walk the path of the righteous
and eventually I shall watch you fall
and then the world will belong to us!

domingo, 7 de abril de 2013

What I Want



I want to sleep for a thousand years
and forget the darkness inside me
I want to dive in my lonely tears
and pretend I know who to be.

I want to run and never look back
fall on the floor scraping my knees
and listen to my heart slowly crack
as the tears down my cheeks freeze

I want to erase your name from my mind
bury it deep in the back of my head
I want to just kick back and unwind
without reliving all that you said

And I want you to know before I forget
that you did mean something to me
and I can't make up for my mistake yet
I still haven't found the golden key

Tomorrow I will wonder the cost
of letting you walk out my rusty door
tomorrow I'll know what I actually lost
it's nothing I've ever felt before

But you are gone now and I am dead
you never knew how to love me alive
and if you don't see how much I've bled
you'll never ever learn how to survive

terça-feira, 2 de abril de 2013

To Those Who Feel Entitled



To those who feel entitled
I have a few words to say
to some I might seem stifled
others consider me small prey

the other end of the stick
may be in your near future
no matter who you try to trick
the fates are harsh and sure

fault falls all around you
but never upon your entitled self
it falls upon all who are in queue
or merely put up on a dusty shelf.

it bothers the books that live there
it crumples their pages with spite
it hardens the mood, poisons the air
it robs them of their perfect light

before schooling was for the poor
then only the rich were schooled
now it's for the entitled to endure
and for the dreamers to be fooled

You'll never murder the dreamer in me
this is my own world, my floor
where dearest dreams I create and see
I set them free and they do sore

I close my eyes and start to smile
because the entitled are barren
of thought and their imagination vile
their social performance arid.

And as I dance in a world of color
the entitled exist in back and white
trying to birth the next wise scholar
to deliver us from future blight

But despite all efforts they cannot
not just yet, not just quite
not while they're barren of thought
not while they have no sight.

They cannot see beyond themselves
they cannot hear my song this well
only you who are still on the shelves
only you buy what I have to sell...

One day it will all make perfect sense
what you read now will burn inside
it will no longer be an offence
but only secrets I tried to hide...

segunda-feira, 1 de abril de 2013

My Favorite Regret



Years have passed and I roam free
I am who I always wanted to be
and every minute that passes by
I can't realize I'm living a lie.
As time passas I believe I am happy
but I walk down the street and I see
you've cut your long black hair
but have the same intense stare
You're walking and smiling with her now
and in the back of my mind I wonder how
we drifted apart through the years
letting go of courage and grasping fears
knowing not what we should say or do
but I was never looking for you
I was looking for love in strange places
longing to find it in familiar faces
But I never was able to find it here
and love never did find me either
I wish I could stay here alone with you
but you're not that true love feeling new
You're the past and now you're with her
and everything I ever felt for you before
is nothing but distant and faded memory
and as you both walk away I feel free
I feel as if I've just become someone else
with you I never felt like I was myself
But still your lips on my trembling skin
and your hands on my body make my head spin
Remembering what once was and shall never be
keeps a warm fire lit inside of me
And I know it we were never meant to be
that is the one thing that is clear to me
I know my life isn't over just yet
but you are my favorite and sweetest regret.

domingo, 31 de março de 2013

Secrets and Stares



Whisper to me secrets of desire
even if they turn you in to a liar
Ravish me with your hungry stare
wrap me up in your green glare
Let the world melt to the background
let if drip away without a sound
Embrace me with tales of passion
even if they're out of fashion
Make me burn with just one word
that one that remains unheard
Cover every inch of my soft skin
with stories that flow from within
Make me feel and smile again
don't say no and don't refrain
Time is standing still just for us
don't say no and don't you fuss
Look at me as if I am the only one
give me love even if you have none
For one night be a clever liar
come and be consumed by this fire
Just for now ler our bodies crash
and rise tomorrow from all the ash
Standing tall you stare again at me
not with desire, but wanting to be free
I close my eyes and pretend it's a dream
you're not here it's all my mind's scheme
but you whisper in my ear and say goodbye
You sadly smile and pinch my thick thigh
The sound of your steps walking out the door
is the loudest like I've never heard before
I stay in bed numb and I start to forget
secrets you whispered now sounds like a threat
I close my eyes and wait for the day to break
I wait for someone to fix this heartache
and the world starts spinning again
time sets back to heal such sweet pain
Memories and secrets will soon fade
Slowly forgotten as I am again swayed
By new whispered secrets and hungry stares
but this time by someone who cares...

The One I Think Of



sleep, dream, fall
never get to heaven at all

breathe, live, love
you're the one I dream of

scream, jump, fight
bring the world some light

leave, walk, cry
stopped believing a lie

sleep, dream, heal
hoping for something real

wake, run, smile
you were happy for a while

eat, feel, see
he fits with you perfectly

sit, wait, sigh
for him again to pass by

eat, sleep, forget
you're not ready yet

wake, stand, work
don't mind those who lurk

talk, promise, swear
that you belong together, a pair

lie, swear, break
another memory to take

stay, sit, pray
don't leave me this way

whisper, breathe, love
you'll always be the one I think of.

sexta-feira, 29 de março de 2013

Morning Noises


drip, drip, drip
broken faucet
drip, drip, drip
I have not patience for it
click, click, clang
noises in the dark
chirp, chirp, chirp
is it a god damn lark?
crash, boom, bang
something breaks
silence, silence
no one awake.
scratch, scratch, itch
my sheets are a prison
scratch, itch, twitch
someone has risen...
click, click, clang
dishes on the table
ring, ring, rang
too late for another fable
ring, ring, ring
again the aunt
cry, sigh, sing
here I am to taunt
swoosh, scratch, twitch
trapped in a quilted ditch
silence, silence
eyes wide open
silence, defiance
boom, boom, boom
heart beats faster
with every stroke of the broom
brush, brush, brush
won't she ever hush?
crash, boom, bang!
she fell as the phone rang
ring, ring, again, ring
no one left to sing
or mutter empty words
chirp, chirp, chirp
again those blasted birds.
click, clack, crash
everything broken at last...

Still Dead


Won't eat
can't sleep
won't talk
can't walk
won't sing
can't think
can't feel
not real
can't breathe
just seethe
won't tell
can't yell
won't go
too slow
just leave
don't grieve
can't smile
just hostile
go on
still strong
don't cry
just sigh
don't scream
just dream
just said
still dead...

quarta-feira, 27 de março de 2013

Regret


I fear I shall never see him again
his mumbled words brought me back
from a place where I only refrained
and sheltered myself from any attack

His kind eyes saw me and did not wander
time stood still for us that moment
but I stopped to slowly ponder
if this unusual man the fates had sent

was actually looking and talking to me
after years of loneliness he comes along
but my simple life is at it's best misery
his presence, his words were sweet song

I wanted so badly to ask his name
but I could not muster the courage
I have no one else but myself to blame
being trapped in this wandering cage

I wanted to scream out for him to stay
but all I said was "see you later"
I smiled thinking I'd see him another day
but a week passed and my longing is greater

I just want to look into his eyes once more
I'll never feel this way again about anyone
and I definitely never felt this way before.
I'll remember those minutes now forever gone.

terça-feira, 26 de março de 2013

His Kiss


Silence... only the sound of hard rain
pouring down, hitting my bedroom window
feels like I am in the past again
because I feel that time is moving slow

I look out my window fogged up, blurry
and everything is moving fast forward
there is life for everyone but me
because living always seemed to hard

I am standing still wondering, stuck
should I get dressed and go out and fight
or should I just give in to bad luck?
because there is no way to make it right

What was once lost shall never be found
I wear my mistakes not with swollen pride
but as warning to myself not to get bound
everytime I closed my eyes for you I died.

Walking, breathing corpse, anti-social beast
crazy, insane, shun from all decent society
hungry eyes wwaiting and looking for a feast
talking, heartbroken corpse filled with anxiety

Freaks like me have no right to be happy
that's what they say when I walk by
They... the decent law abiding society
always caught up on spinning vicious lies

I breathe and talk and smoke but I am dead
I look up and see him. I step out of myself
I rewind everything that he gently said
He chose me to talk to and no one else.

The warmth slowly took over my body once more
as uneven words spilled from his perfect lips
and I know that nothing will ever be as before
because all I think about now is of his kiss...

domingo, 24 de março de 2013

Something, Anything


melancholic waves crash over me
and the world seems overrated
no one else can see what I see
I stopped caring about what I hated

a broken heart that doesn't beat
dried up sahara eyes that can't cry
thick skin hiding under cotton sheets
juicy lips spitting out soft lies

bad blood flowing in my veins
boils and burns me from within
and it's slowly driving me insane
melting my pale soft skin...

I close my eyes and pray for rain
to put out this fire that burns
and is lit over and over again
everytime that he returns...

I want to light the fire once more
even though I don't even know his name
I want crazy passion like I felt before
I want him to light my fuse, my flame

His eyes revive my dead cold heart
broken what feels like centuries ago
and now this thing that may never start
is cause for infinite fays of woe.

And what never started already ended
follow my words to the end of nothing
you were not there as I eagerly expected
I waited for a smile, for something, for anything.

Confused Love


I faulter and my crippled mind explodes
I see you, I quiver, I melt, I die...
I see you, this time my heart implodes
I see you, you don't see me, I sigh.

My silence screams out to you
you don't listen, you smile
and my eyes pierce you through
but still you linger for a while

I breathe in and you breathe out
I see you but you don't know me
my tears quench this drought
and turns into the dead sea.

Your happy eyes make me sick
I want to cut myself and be normal
but my blood is so dark and thick
I can't bleed like others at all!

I see you set free unto the world
like a devastating black plague
I see you, you eat my tortured soul
you see me now, empty and vague

I am nothing without you taunting me
you see me, this empty broken shell
you hear me, my absent-minded plea
you see me now and know me so well.

I always see you and know you somehow
you see me, you hear me, you fear me
I love you, I hate you, I want you now
you smile perfectly but you don't want me.

I see you: perfect smiling happiness
I see you as all the words I can't say
your chaotic perfection makes me die
and I can't wait to die each day...

terça-feira, 19 de março de 2013

Disposable People


Disposable people floating down the street
They have no voices, they have no feet
They open their mouths but nothing comes out
They can't scream and they can't shout.
And once upon a time they WERE power
but now it's theirs and no longer ours
we've been stripped to work as slaves
and all the blood our ancestors gave
Lost all it's powerful meaning
to remember their names is demeaning
because we have lost any relevance.
But still there is a small chance!
Their names echo through time and space
Shinning upon us their long lost grace.
And we shall rise with them once more
to turn wrong in to right has they did before...

My Curse on You


Spare all of your worn and fake excuses
hollow words fall on deafened ears
all that you say my soul refuses
nothing you show appeases my fears.

The world changes on a simple dime
one day you might find you need me
but then I shall be out of time
and have somewhere else to be

I shall show you the same courtesy
all of you have kindly extended
to someone as weird as me.
I know you all feel so offended.

I am sorry I am independent and intelligent
so much smarter than all of you put together
you are all so clearly and absolutely adamant
on having me banished from here forever.

That would actually be a most welcomed kindness
because living in this forsaken and awful town
amongst all you intolerant absentmindedness
has always brought me sadness I try to drown.

Fools like you I deal with every day
you're all just so recklessly arrogant
get over yourselves and give me my pay
start realizing you're all just irrelevant.

None of you really doest matter
and none of you will ever be enough
you're all the reason for my laughter
we're clearly not made of the same stuff.

You all think you're high and above others
equality is not a concept know to you
your mistakes aren't yours but another's
you always like to blame someone new.

But some day karma will catch up
and YOU will have hell to pay.
There will be no one left to shut up
no gods left to whom you can pray

Nothing left but this curse I unleash on you
written with desperate everlasting tears,
with violent unspoken hate that grew
and shall always echo through the years.

segunda-feira, 18 de março de 2013

Beauty


Beauty fades, look away!
I am not who I was before
I am not beautiful anymore
Nor have the power to sway

Or bend men to my will
I am nothing but crippled shadow
with many dreams unfulfilled
each day they're inclined to grow

Making me fall from the highest of heights
tears cutting deeper on my face
preventing me from enjoying all sights
driving me away from sweet embrace.

And if as they say love is blind
could you love a shadow of what was?
Would you put your hand in mine
with no other reason but "just because"?

And if I die in your arms this night
with your kiss as my last breath
would you follow me in to the light?
Would you join me in death?