Fools in the rain

When it finally started to rain people ran outside and danced. Their clothes grew damp and as their clothes got wet they frenzied back inside to dry back off. They scattered around the house and went about their own business. I was one of those people but when I came back inside I sat by the window still wet forgetting about the cold. I would watch the drops of rain run down the window unpredictable and would sometimes catch a glimpse of my own reflection on the glass and think "who am I?". I would breathe on the glass and draw a question mark on the condensation. I would look outside again but felt nothing. The rain I so longed for had brought nothing with it. It did not wash away the sorrow. It just wet the fields and filled the air with the smell of wet summer. A smell I always loved and now was  indifferent  to. And  as I sit here writing this I can still see the young teenager running barefoot on the grass taking in every smell, sound and sight possible like an animal that's been set free back into the wild... I guess I've been in captivity for far too long. They have broken me... Life has broken me. And although I still struggle to break free, as is my nature, I know it will never happen. 

Then the rain kept on falling... and falling... for days. And everybody was tired of the rain. They were happy when it came but now wanted it to stop. Not me. I wanted the rain to last forever mirroring the pain I felt and no one could see. My hard shell keeps all the emotion from bursting out into the air. Some people consider numbness to be the absence of anything of substance inside but being numb is mostly having all these feelings and never expressing them. While everyone was wishing the rain away I sat in a corner wishing I was someone else. Then lighting struck and everyone was startled. Everyone but me... I didn't even flinch. But no one noticed. No one cared. I don't think anyone even knew I was there. A storm was about to hit and every flash of light that cut through the sky made me smile for some twisted reason. The lights went out. People were in a panic and started moving around looking for candles. I just sat there. I wish I could tell you that at that moment I had some sort of profound realization but the truth is I thought of nothing. I think that it was the only time in my whole life when my mind was blank and void. Everyone went to sleep but I just stayed in my corner. I sat there for hours watching the storm come close, hit and finally clear as sudden as it came. Then the rain stopped and I went to bed. As I drifted off I knew my life would always be just... this - a bunch of fools in the rain.