a murder of crows

I was driving to work today and a murder of crows was flying ahead... it was like they were making way for me to pass. It felt... I have no idea how it felt. It was a bit odd... like something was taken from me and the crows were trying to warn me of troubles not far ahead. I guess I feel like the life I was supposed to be living was taken from me. It's like I'm not myself. I am a zombie... shaped and molded by society. It's funny... I've always fought to be able to express my own opinions and think for myself... to stay strong and fight for what I believe to be right... to respect others for who they are. I so wanted to be myself... but I don't know who I am. The only consistincy in my life is the fact that I don't know who I am. I feel stuck. I feel like a prisoner trapped in a dark underground dungeon who lost all hope of ever seing the sun again. Why is it that everything I ever had gets ripped from my hands? and I try so hard to hold on to whatever that when someone, be it fate or an actual person, rips it from my hand thy also tear my fingernails off and I am left bloody on the floor crying and feeling lost. Love was taken from me. I was fine because I had a job and I dove right into it. But now that too is slowly being taken away by other people who are absolute idiots that couldn't ever tell their asses from their faces. It really ticks me off that I spent time and money studying at one of the best universities of this fecking country only to be pushed around by such idiots that had to "buy" their degree. I keep telling myself "just breathe" but it's getting harder and harder to keep focus because everyone around me wants to see me fall. You might think that I'm paranoid but if you only knew what I go through everyday of my boring pathetic life you would be completely insanely paranoid... maybe even check yourselves in a mental institution. And I think about how I used to be... I used to be fun and happy... I was lively and had a spark in my eye. But now I just feel dead inside. I am always tired and sad... I am always mad at the world. Why is that? I used to be a people's person but people let me down so many times... I have no faith in people anymore. I don't trust anyone. I sometimes don't even trust myself. And so now I walk this world alone... with a fake smile on my face and sadness in my eyes.