My mind is blank... Usually I'm filled with opinions and thoughts but today... nothing!
I'm going back "home" tomorrow. It'll be an interesting train ride up north. It'll be like taking a train to hell. I'm not paying Charon though. The world is going through tough times. Money is tight. So... I'm not paying him. Maybe he'll leave me behind and I'll forever roam the Earth in a limbo-like state. I already feel like a ghost roaming the halls at work, the streets of the town I live in, the rooms of my house... I am a ghost left behind and I don't know I'm dead.
I'm "feeding" my ipod all kinds of yummy music for my trip back to "hell". I've been listening to Kristin Hersh, Die Haut, Nick Cave, The Breeders, The Smiths, Band of Horses, Metric, Amanda Palmer... among others. Do you aprove? If you haven't heard of them, check them out on youtube. You'll absolutely LOVE any of these artists. :)
My birthday is 10 days away... I guess the blank mind is due to the birthday blues. I usually get the birthday blues a week or so before. I think about everything I planned for my life and then realize I'm no where near to what I maped out. I've strayed from the plan. Along the way I just figured that if I never made plans anymore I wouldn't get as disappointed as if I had made plans and they never worked out. But I must say... I never thought I'd be where I am today. I'd never thought I'd be the person I am. In ever wanted to be this person that I am... maybe one day I'll wake up and realize I'm exactly who I'm supposed to be. But for now... I'm not happy. I'm no where near happiness. I am okay. I know I'll always be okay. But I long for happiness. I miss laughing out loud. I miss looking at pictures of myself smiling. There haven't been many of those the past 10 years. I want to be so happy that it'll feel like my heart is exploding out of my chest. I want to ooze happiness out of every pore of my skin. I want to stop being the invisible weird girl. I want you to see ME and not the person someone told you I am. I am ME! I am not pretensious or pretend to know everything about anything... I don't wear a mask to hide who I really am. I don't fit in the box society built to standardize the masses. The masses are asses! I don't hide behind all those layers of bullshit. I am plain. I am naked. I am raw. I am ME! See ME!
I'm going back "home" tomorrow. It'll be an interesting train ride up north. It'll be like taking a train to hell. I'm not paying Charon though. The world is going through tough times. Money is tight. So... I'm not paying him. Maybe he'll leave me behind and I'll forever roam the Earth in a limbo-like state. I already feel like a ghost roaming the halls at work, the streets of the town I live in, the rooms of my house... I am a ghost left behind and I don't know I'm dead.
I'm "feeding" my ipod all kinds of yummy music for my trip back to "hell". I've been listening to Kristin Hersh, Die Haut, Nick Cave, The Breeders, The Smiths, Band of Horses, Metric, Amanda Palmer... among others. Do you aprove? If you haven't heard of them, check them out on youtube. You'll absolutely LOVE any of these artists. :)
My birthday is 10 days away... I guess the blank mind is due to the birthday blues. I usually get the birthday blues a week or so before. I think about everything I planned for my life and then realize I'm no where near to what I maped out. I've strayed from the plan. Along the way I just figured that if I never made plans anymore I wouldn't get as disappointed as if I had made plans and they never worked out. But I must say... I never thought I'd be where I am today. I'd never thought I'd be the person I am. In ever wanted to be this person that I am... maybe one day I'll wake up and realize I'm exactly who I'm supposed to be. But for now... I'm not happy. I'm no where near happiness. I am okay. I know I'll always be okay. But I long for happiness. I miss laughing out loud. I miss looking at pictures of myself smiling. There haven't been many of those the past 10 years. I want to be so happy that it'll feel like my heart is exploding out of my chest. I want to ooze happiness out of every pore of my skin. I want to stop being the invisible weird girl. I want you to see ME and not the person someone told you I am. I am ME! I am not pretensious or pretend to know everything about anything... I don't wear a mask to hide who I really am. I don't fit in the box society built to standardize the masses. The masses are asses! I don't hide behind all those layers of bullshit. I am plain. I am naked. I am raw. I am ME! See ME!
3 comentários:
Keepin' an eye on you, just so you know!
Waitin for that interesting subject that I can object to. :))Just kiddin'!
I find it intersting, you might call it a challenge, trying to understand your feelings, trying put myself in your postion.
But whenever I think I know what it feels like, I realise it's just another mask I wear.
Guess I'm just part of your masses :P I feel like such robot most of the time!
My feelings... I am numb... can't quite say tht I'm feeling anything actually. But I think I feel invisible. I tried so hard for people not to notice me that now I'm invisible. I'm not myself anymore. I'm the person everyone else wanted me to be. I lost myself along the way and now I'm trying hard to reach within myself and pull that weird little girl back out so I can be myself again. :) I'm glad you're keeping tabs... I quite enjoy our "commenting".
hi nice nice
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