I am now 34 years old. It all seems so unreal to me. It's like I fell asleep and just woke up old, tired and heavy. I just let life pass me by and now I'm just numb and wondering where it all went wrong. Or maybe it's the way it should be. I have no idea. I'm a bit confused at this point. The past few years I saw things so clearly. Eveyrthing was always so black or white to me. I never "believed" in grey areas. But now... I'm not sure of anything anymore. Is this what they call the midlife crisis? I have no idea. Maybe not or I wouldn't have identified it as such. Maybe I'm just having the post-birthday blues. Maybe tomorrow and the next day and next week I'll still be having doubts. I am always second guessing myself but now I'm just confused about everything! I had such high hopes and dreams of where and who I wanted to be at this point in my life and I so missed the mark. I am far from anything I ever imagined. But at the same time I'm not sad nor frustrated. I'm just confused because I never thought I could "survive" here and I think the past two years I've been doing a good job. Maybe I can endure. Maybe I can be happy here being this person I never thought I'd be.
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