You were right, David

I am in a room filled with people and I never felt more alone. Everyone is talking and exchanging ideas. I have nothing. I am nothing. I sometimes think I'm a functioning ghost. People's voices and words meld with the voices in my head. I want to drown them all out but even music doesn't work anymore. I am starting to think I might actually be insane. You were right, David. There is something wrong with me. I guess I just didn't want to admit you were right. I was always sitting at the edge of my seat waiting for the shit to hit the fan because I knew eventually it would and I would be the one to fling it about like a naughty monkey at the zoo. I am sorry.

They usually say: "better late than never", but I case in this case that does not apply. I usually take a long time to realize what people are trying to tell me, or show me about myself because it's like looking in a mirror and I don't want to see myself. Especially through other people's eyes. Particularly through yours.

Day is done. I am left alone with the voices of people I work with and with the voices in my head. It's so loud, sometimes I have to close my eyes and re-focus. Or whatever it's called. But still... sometimes one or two of the voices manages to seep in and completely destroy me. Which seems to be happening a lot lately. It's nobody's fault but my own. I let myself go and refuse help because sometimes those voices are comforting, although they isolate me from the world. Such isolation is soothing because I feel protected. I don't want to hurt anymore and self-sabotage is the only way I know how to keep myself guarded.

But here I am now, David. Letting you know that you were/are right.