Only I can do that...

This is how it goes, this is how it is: my body is scared. Self-inflicted and accidental scars. It was always about feeling something besides shame. Now these scars have nothing on the emotional scars I now have. I regret hurting other people. I regret living. Sometimes, most of the times lately, I wish I was never born. I wouldn't have hurt everyone that I ever hurt and maybe they're lives would have been better for never having met me.

I feel like I should be guarded so other people don't get hurt. And I don't want to hurt either, I have such an emotional earthquake within me it destroys everything when I cut lose and let my emotions out. I can't ever do that again. For my sake as well as for everybody else's. Nobody wants to read this. It's filled with super sad clichés. Nobody needs details of all my stupidity and sadness.

I write because I breathe. As long as I breathe I need a way to tame this turmoil inside me. Writing keeps the demons at bay and it gives me moments of clarity... seconds, really, through the thousands of screaming voices that echo inside my head. Sometimes I feel like I am cursed. I always looked for someone out there to save me. But I never did find anyone who could. Many have tried, but I kept pushing them away because deep down I know I can't be saved by anyone.

Many times I wished I could fall into a dream and everything else would be an afterthought. I always looked at other people to make shit better but only I can do that.