Forever and Never

 

I am the tide you cannot bind
a love forever untold
a secret laid at your feet
a whisper sounding crisper
like madness taking over sadness.

I am a fever, a believer
the calm before dawn
I am mother and daughter
I am lover and the other
loneliness and actress.

I am nature, I am closure
I am the tear you most fear
the touch that is too much
I am the scream you dream
the death defying rath

an itch you cannot scratch
I am the heart you tore apart...
I am the word you cannot speak
the concept you cannot grasp.
I am forever and I am never.

A Story

 

The stories I had to tell

are muffled by the cold

they were all I had to sell

but shall remain untold

I don't want to go outside

I want to be left alone

with all the dreams that died

before they were known...

there is nothing left to share

no more tears, no more love...

it's all up in the cold air

but it's what you can't get rid of

and the clock strikes eleven

while I'm sitting on the couch

longing to be forgiven

and I slouch and slouch...

I give up and give in to sleep

and as I lay quietly in bed

I realize there's no love nor heat

it was something you said

there's nothing left inside of me

I have no life, I have no time

nothing left for me to see

I'm a victim of a foul crime

you left and never looked back

the tears cut through my face

no one here to pick up the slack

nothing left but an empty space

that will never again be filled

because there is nothing left

what I tore down I can't rebuild

and what you said I cannot forget...

The End of the World

 

I was told the world would end today
But today dawned and today set
and still I am here feeling this way

Each hour that passed I would fret
but the world did not end this day
even though others thought it may

I sat in silence imagining death
I think it will end another day
but obviously not today.

the hour struck and I held my breath
but the world refused to end that day
no matter what anyone had to say

Now I sit and wonder when will it end?
it ended for you with a lie
it will end for me when I die.

My Dreams

 

My dreams cut the night

like the sun's piercing light.

They hurt my eyes

and are filled with lies.

They haunt me

and taunt me

but still I'm in my bed

living inside my head...

I'm Not Looking Back

 

My thoughts escape my mind

and create a perfect line

that I utter in pure confidence

surrounded by awkward silence.

I still remember your smile.

You stuck around for a while

but I'm as constant as the wind

and turned your smile into a grin.

Nothing... nothing will bring me back.

No, no... I'll never pick up your slack.

I never felt as you feel

in my world nothing's real

I push through my own darkness

facing my demons and my monsters.

But nothing, I said nothing, will ever bring me back!

No, oh no! I'm never looking back...

You told me I broke your heart

But it was already torn apart...

All the qualities you lack

are the reason I'm not looking back...

La Doucherie

 

 I can see through you

through your perfect smile

and your perfect skin...

You are the personification of sin!

But I don't know what to do...

...I'm so drawn to you.

We're from different realities

but these feelings I can't appease!

Your stare burns me up inside

and I feel I'm going out of my mind!

And I would do anything

If you'd see anything in me!

if you'd only see me,

if you'd only hear me sing...

My jackass attitude

makes me seem so rude.

How long will it take

for you to realize I'm a fake?

About You

 

I could never explain

how irrelevant you are to me

but everyone thinks you're so witty.

And I just think you're an ass.

Everytime you walk towards me

I just turn away.

No one really knows

that I don't really feel that way

About you...

About you...

When I hear you talking

I just feel like puking

And you make me feel insane

because I have nothing to gain

From you...

From you...

And I...

... can't stop thinking about you!

I can't stop talking about you!

My mind is totally gone!

What the hell is going on?

It's you! It's all...

...about you...

...about you...

Nothing to Fear

Give me your hand

and I'll lead you down
holding you close to the end
until we're both under ground

And don't mind the dark, my dear
don't mind the cold, I'm right here.

Our thoughts still break through
but there's not much to do
as our bodies slowly turn into dust
and our memories are forever lost.

Trust in our fates, my dear
hold on, there's nothing to fear.

My heart, it was true
but you broke it in two
when you let go of my hand
I tried to go on but I can't.

And it still isn't clear
why you let go, my dear.

As I slowly close my eyes
as I choke on my sighs
I hear you laugh through the dark
sounding like the dawn's first lark.

And I don't mind the dark, dear
because I have nothing to fear.

Listen...

 

Listen! Listen... the wind moves.

It brings such fatal news...

The person I was before

has suddenly closed the door

to future exciting possibilities...

why? no one else ever sees

the magic that dwells within

even after all that I have given.

My body can't keep up with my mind

surely it came from above as a sign

that my time here is almost lost

and I vaguely wonder what the cost

of a life barely lived is nowadays...

Maybe it's just another phase

and this too shall eventually pass

but sometimes I am made of glass

and your words bring me down

they break me and you steal my crown...

Enjoy the thorns that prick your forehead

Enough is enough! and enough has been said...

Life As I Know It...

They tell me to shut the fuck up
and always try to brainwash me.
But all I desperately want
is to be happy, safe and free...

They want me to be someone else
to fit their perfect standards. 
But I can't be nothing but myself
I don't care about any awards.

Do you look in the mirror often?
If you do, do you like what you see?
I do fear I might be forgotten
because the cows give milk for free.

But I keep trying to push forward
I shove some people along the way
sometimes I stop because I'm bored
or simply because I have nothing to say. 

It Doesn't Matter

And I guess it doesn't matter
I know that I seem scattered
I can't help feeling this way
it's as fucked up as they say

Walking around with this broken heart
the same one you tore right apart
I am everyone and nobody all at once
I am presence and I am absence

I can be everything and nothing
I spent all my life constantly acting
I am a fluke, an error, an accident
I bring pain, I'm your eternal ailment

And you... you are painfully beautiful
and I... I am excruciatingly disgraceful
we are surely not a passion meant to be
even all the people in the world can see

But sweet mistakes bring memories
of our burning lustful sweaty bodies
melting and dissolving into one...
One night's bliss is better than none.

Worlds Apart

The pain of birthing this world is not mine

but it's not yours either so why do you cry?

You drive around in your fancy cars with a smile

living fancy and living large on other people's dime

Your crocodile tears certainly don't move me

your mouth spews out words that'll never set me free.

Your vacant eyes are broken mirrors that can't show

if within your tanned manicured carcass lives a soul.

And as I sit here writing these simple words from the heart

I finally realize that we are absolutely worlds apart.

My Present Surroundings

 

I am already dead

but I'm still here.

I'm driven by pure anger!

I've stripped myself of fear.

She says one thing 

he spews out another...

My mind is blown away

by one and the other.

They're so precious!

So fucking brilliant

with their bought degrees

that aren't worth a cent!

All they have is the right name

and know all the right people

I'm bored, tired of this game.

I'm surely not as feeble

As they are known to be.

Trust is ill spent on them.

They live to pretend

but will never be your friend.

They're liars and backstabbers

waiting for fresh new prey.

They can have my carcass

I hope they choke on me!

I am already dead

but I'm still here.

I'm driven by pure anger!

I've stripped myself of fear.

She says one thing

He spews out another...

My mind is blown away

by one and the other!

They're so precious!

They're fucking brilliant

with their bought degree

that aren't worth a cent!

All they have is the right name

and know all the right people

I'm bored, tired of this game.

I'm surely not as feeble

as they are known to be.

Trust is ill spent on them.

They live to pretend

but will never be your friend.

They're liars and backstabbers

waiting for fresh new prey.

They can have my carcass

I hope they choke on me! 

Me and My...

 

Me and my heart

have different opinions

Me and my eyes

can't read the captions

Me and my brain

solve complications

Me and my feet

Walk for miles

Me and my hands

wipe tears from my eyes

Me and my mouth

spew out old sighs...

Disappointment

Ripe with certain hope
I walked confident each day
but I hit a slippery slope
and fell down all the way!

Always wait-listed
it strikes me as a shock
for I am not dim-witted
so why shouldn't I talk?

Always outside looking in
I see all that I am missing
I watch everyone else win...
they're like snakes hissing

poisoning me with their venom
flapping tongues bitter words
to them sound like an anthem
to me sound like plotting lizards...

I am seen as simple prey
what they do not know
Is that this is just my way
of dealing with my foe.

Ignoring idiots is what's best
no matter how much they hiss
they shall fall like all the rest
and all of them I do dismiss.

I think of dreams they shatter
and I don't know who to be...
I don't exist and I don't matter
but one day I shall be free...

SOMETHING

Give me something to sing about
because I'm all tapped out
and I seem to have lost my mind
searching for what I'll never find.

Give me something to talk about
can't you see I'm all stressed out?
All the people in this lonely world
have love and perfect shiny souls.

When will I stop and sing?
When will I see what life brings?
When will I find true love?
what am I thinking of...?

there is none left for me
even though they say it's free...

Give me something to cry about
I lost my voice now I can't shout
I am in my cold bed all alone
everything I had is now gone...

Give me something to be mad about
I am lost and I'm freaking out!
Politics don't keep me warm at night
I'm all worn out, I just can't fight...

There's nothing out there for me
so leave me alone, let me be!

Give me something to dream about
I'm drowning in my own self-doubt.
In the world in my dreams I am free
to be whom ever I want to be.

But there aren't any dreams left for me
Am I the only one who can see...?

Hungry Beasts

 

Drunk on given power

they take and they take!

Now is the time, now is the hour

for us to take back and shake

our fists in anger and scream

against all this injustice...

We, who dare to dream

of harmony and bliss.

We, the people demand

the end of disparity

brought by government's hand.

We deserve to be free!

The rights given by the book

are stripped by hungry beasts that never

give back what they took

and there is no we, only me

still dreaming and hoping

for the people to wake and shout as loud

as a noise only the world can make. 

Now, Forever or Never

There once was a boy from the city
who met a girl from a small town
Who couldn't bring himself to believe
that she would always hang around.

He never saw himself as she did
Always wrapping himself in darkness
pulling back and pushing aside
everyone who dared bring happiness.

And one day with tears in her eyes
she slowly started to peel back layers
that hid himself in a pool of lies
disguised as fool's prayers...

Then he stopped and saw her
as if for the very first time
he started to believe in forever
built on love and rhyme...

This is a story of possibility
of love lurking in every corner
It could be you or it could be me.
It could be now, forever or never.

Who Is It...

 

Who am I? I forgot myself...
I remember falling asleep
but woke up as someone else
who can't smile or weep

I am like everyone else
I work, eat and sleep
and I am not myself...
I wake up and drag my feet

remembering who I was
faded memories revived
while I slowly pause
and realize how I'm deprived

of all that I ever wanted
peace, happiness, love...
And now I am haunted
because all I think of

is of what I never knew
feelings burning within
and dreams of you
caressing my soft skin.

And the last thing I remember
is closing my eyes for a kiss
now I'm here, I surrender
but you I'll always miss

The one I never met
the one I never kissed
the one that I can't get
someone on my mailing list...

From zero to death

 

I'm either all in or not in at all

you're waiting for me to trip and fall

I have to stop to catch my breath

my love for you goes from zero to death

in between there is only emptiness

as I watch you fall into the nothingness

that is in my mind erasing all thought

my love for you goes from zero to lots

What comes after zero? is it nothing?

because I am still waiting for everything

something like I never had before

my love for you goes from zero to more

and when everything I ever wanted fails

I will cut through and open new trails

Even though you're never there and scath

my love for you goes from zero to death...

I Never...

I never looked in your eyes

I never felt your sweet touch

I never got caught in your smiles

I never did, it was too much

You never did look back

you never cared or did feel

you never were what I lacked

it feels you were never real.

I never did hold back

I never looked above

I never once lacked

Or did feel your love... 

Love's Loss

I have a hole in my heart
that at times seems to burn
from the very first start
it has been an elaborate urn.

I blow away love's ashes
towards the deep blue sea
where a perfect wave crashes
always reminding you of me...

for my temperament is unsteady
and I crash or flicker light
just like our beloved sea...
you are the day and I the night

Too different to be together
yet attraction slowly seeps in
and like the moon, wanted forever
I let you get under my skin...

But as daylight kills the dark
you came in all your splendor
and ripped out my simple heart
the same that I had surrendered

to you... only you, my lost love
my murderer, death in disguise
and I, something you dispose of
and you, the only one I dispise!

BROKEN

You just stood there

hauntingly beautiful

with an ageless stare

and words irrefutable

my thick raised eyebrow

caught you and made you smile

but you never did allow

for it to be more than a while

Though I know there is no forever

I would refuse that light of dawn

because I know it is far better

than an old beggar's song.

That is what I sing now

the voice of the lark died

I don't quite know how

or when or how it tried

to make itself heard

by the staggering child

owner of a thick beard

spewing delectable lies

With clear eyes that burn

the sould of any woman

I too for him yearned

but he was clearly adamant

I was left behind alone

living on faded memories

and they too will be gone

as do all ambiguities.

All I Have to Give

I feel nothin, I'm numb

my heart skips a beat

though I'm not having fun

I just drag my feet

and lower my head

trying not to think about

all that's been said

Sometimes I just want to shout!

People don't know...

they don't know me!

They just like a good show

so how can they judge me?

I am nothing but myself

a free spirit trying to live

I can't be someone else

this is all I have to give.

Give Me

Give me something to sing about

give me something to hope for

something to smile about

give me a little something more

take all the lies you left behind

take my heart you've torn it apart

take all the words that were unkind

you took all of me from the start

so now give me back myself

give me something to write

go away with someone else

leave, be gone, out of sight

leave me behind to pick up the pieces

leave my thoughts and memories

take all your songs and kisses

but leave me my ambiguities

give me something to talk about

and something I can pray for

give me something to dream about

give me what you gave me before...

Dream

I wake each day wanting more

of the dream that was you

A dream I dreampt before

I wake and reality is blue

In my dreams I know you

I know where your lips begin

You know exactly what to do

and you make my head spin

But when I open my eyes

and you are not there

I slowly start to realize

that you really don't care

You're just a dream!

haunting me each night

I should stay up and scream

until dawn's first light

But the dream calls for me

in imaginary arms I fall

and even though I can see

this is better than nothing at all...

Flowers

I sat here for hours

in deafening silence

with rotting flowers

hoping for a glimpse

I gave you my flowers

but you dropped them

and I stared for hours

hoping to see you again

I gave you flowers

I gave you everything

I have no power

you kill everything

I walk away with dead flowers

and a tear cuts my face

nothing is now ours

I walk away in disgrace

Nothing will ever be the same

dead petals on the floor

I am the only one to blame

I kept going back for more

I stare up at your window

and the flowers are dead

I am nothing but a shadow

drowning in what you never said...

Voices of a generation...

Writing the good stuff isn't as easy as it sounds... I had a huge speech on, well... stuff. But it just vanished from my mind. My thoughts are faster than sound! I know I was thinking about paths... and how I sometimes think that I was pushed on to mine. I should have been able to choose a certain path but eventually I let myself get pushed to this path and I am not happy. In fact, I am very unhappy. I should be able to say that I'm content but I'm not. If I were content that would be enough for me because the whole world is unhappy by the slightest little thing. I am unhappy in all aspects of my life. I can say that my life is one big mess. I sometimes try to pin-point the exact moment I let my life turn to shit but the truth is it's always been shit. I've never had a long period of bliss or whatever you call it. That's how fucked up it's been for me... I don't even know what real "happy" is. When I pass people on the street and they ask me how I am that's when all the shit hits me like a ton of bricks and the sad eyes and lonely smile appear. Why is it that people ask you how you are but are never interested in the answer? All they want to hear is: "I'm fine!"... well I think I'm going to start saying: "I'm fucking dandy! How the fuck are you?" or some shit like that... I never wanted this life for myself... sometimes I feel like I'm not myself. It's like I just fell into this life or some shit. Maybe I died and gone to hell... that's how I feel. My life feels a little like what hell might be (without the fire and brimstone... the bitches and the devil are always around me... taunting me.). I am currently trying to change my shitty life but it's going to take some serious will power. I sometimes wonder if I'll be able to muster the strength to push forward. I should be able to look up to someone or some sort of shit but the truth is that all the strong voices of my generation are either dead or seriously fucking crazy! I guess that's why I take it as a compliment when people call me crazy to my face... you know what I do when that happens? I smile... and it makes those people feel awkward. And when I realize how awkward those people are feeling I just think to myself: "my job here is done."

There Is No Forever

I want the whole world to stop

I want time to lie down

and cry as we suddenly swap

places and I am no longer common

I clutch a cloud and ride the wind

I fly high whispering your name

but I can't seem to actually find

true love, a sparkling flame...

So I ground myself once more

sad and jealous of time

I'm no longer who I was before

so I drown myself in rhyme

I close my eyes and I remember

soft lips, a safe embrace

hope of a possible forever

arms to pull me back to grace

But morning came and took it all

and I laid naked on the floor

trying to forget the painful fall

like I did so many times before...

The sparkle in my eyes slowly dies

I slowly give in to time's will

the emptiness in me I can't disguise

and I know I can't ever fill

the hole in my heart you left

that will burn inside forever

this is a lesson I won't forget

there is no forever, only never!

4RC

I could write you a song

with perfect words of love

it wouldn't take me that long

to sing about what I'm thinking of

But the words melted in my mouth

as you slowly took my breath away

like no one has ever done before,

I will think about you every day

But before I leave and actually go

please, give me back my words

for they are all I have to show,

of my mind is flying backwards.

And I am standing perfectly still

as the world around me moves on

and I slowly bend to it's will

while you are gone.

But for now I can rest my head

on your warm bare chest

and as we lie in your bed

I hear your heart beating so fast.

I will always remember your fingers

running through my short hair

your sweet smell still lingers

on my body, on my clothes, everywhere!

And I can smile for the rest of my life

I can see, I can hear and catch my breath

I can still feel you deep within

I can close my eyes and smile before death

because for just one random night

we were in this world alone

will you think of me tonight?

will you remember me when I'm gone?

I will think of you tonight

and every night 'till the end of time...

you have a bright burning light

that will forever sparkle and shine

Etching itself deep inside of me

and no matter where I've gone

This night will always be part of me

and follow me wherever I should belong.

And in your arms I found bliss

for an hour, a night, a lifetime

you brought me back with just one kiss

to an eternity of sighs and rhyme...

STOP

I'm drowning in melancholy

for the whole world to see

and no one will save me.

Time sits still for no one

everyone I knew is gone

but I did nothing wrong.

Fighting fate is a hard task

nothing good can ever last

all I have is stuck in the past...

Memories, delusions, hope

Hanging myself in invisible rope

with no other way to cope...

How can I ever stop loving?

would be easier to stop breathing

but I can't stop you from leaving.

So I sit in the dark wishing for light

wanting to gather strength to fight

but I think that I just might

Stop talking, stop dancing

stop crying, stop smiling

stop feeling, stop breathing...

Nothing Left

I gave you everything, everything

my body, my mind and my soul

But you never wanted anything

always stuck in your small world

when there is love to be found

you push me down hard and I fall

the earth stands still without a sound

I realize there's no love at all

Only a deafening silence surrounds me

I close my eyes and drown in my tears

I now know that I'll never be free

you echo through all these years

while I spin round and round

hunting, searching for happiness

but I keep falling on the ground

looking up all I feel is loneliness

The earth and the moon have left me

and the stars explode and fall down

but no else around here can see

there's no more love to be found...

Falling

These tears cut my cheeks just like knives

I'm writing to say I am sick of your lies

you know, almost twenty years have passed

but I see you are still the same ass...

And I know now that I'm shit out of luck

I also see you're still the same miserable fuck

There is no magical way for me to go back

and stop myself from becoming this wreck.

And love is dead, I no longer believe in it

you'll always be this lingering prick.

You won't let me live, won't let me move on

you know I am vulnerable to your whipering song...

And I am falling and I catch on fire

I see you'll always be the same perfect liar

The flames burn my heart into black ash

that you gather and throw in the trash

My words are meaningless and empty

I know now you'll never love me...

Untill the end

All the people in the world are asleep

while I lie alone in my bed awake

with secrets I can no longer keep

and the indifference that I fake

And suddenly it just hits me

the past is gone... it's long gone

I was the only one who couldn't see

my life is just another sad song

unburying memories long forgotten

by me, by him, by the whole world

and I drive myself to exaustion

until it completely drains my soul

just trying to sleep like everyone else

trying to fit in the little box you put me in

I look in the mirror and I don't know myself

and you don't know where I have been

I've seen and lived nightmares unreal

all in an attempt to escape the past

I wanted to stop all that I feel

but what I have inside is built to last

until time stands perfectly still

until the end of this mad world

until all people loose their will

until it completely consumes my soul.

until the end...

No More Love

I gave you everything, everything

my body, my mind and my soul

But you never wanted anything

always stuck in your small world

when there is love to be found

you push me down hard and I fall

the earth stands still without a sound

I realize there's no love at all

Only a deafening silence surrounds me

I close my eyes and drown in my tears

I now know that I'll never be free

you echoed throughout the years

while I spin round and round

hunting, searching for happiness

but I keep falling on the ground

looking up all I feel is loneliness

The earth and the moon have left me

and the stars explode and fall down

but no else around here can see

there's no more love to be found...

What is to Come

You walked slowly towards me

your smile took my breath away

and I could finally see

that I don't need words to say

nor make up songs to sing

your eyes hold the universe

and the light you bring

can break any dark curse

they bring me everything!

You're the one I waited for

you're the sun and the moon

always making me want more

We will be together soon

but soon is never soon enough

when I feel you pulling me

and surrounding me with love

My eyes are like a dark sea

appeased after a long storm

The stars in your eyes

make me feel safe and warm

as I fall in a pool of sighs.

The sounds that surround me

make me forget why I would weep

I am just a shell in the sea

and now I can finally sleep.

You are what is to come

might be love, might be pain

I might even come undone

But I am ready for it again...

Goodbye

Suddenly my heart starts to break

and there is no one left behind

to clean up the mess you made

but still you are on my mind

I know I will never hold you

I'm living on empty dreams

and what I thought to be true

is never quite as it seems.

You tempt me with your green eyes

and kill me with your soft kisses

You broke me with sweet sweet lies

still you're the one my heart misses.

But I forgot you and our past

and I just can't wait here forever

for something that could never last

always wanting, waiting for never.

World Left Behind

I can't write my heart, I am blocked

and my muse is no where to be found.

Everything around be is so fucked

and these hands that once were bound

by love, by passion and by lust

they're getting old, can't hold pen

to paper and write what I must...

what ever comes from deep within

I need to scream it to the world

but feelings I had are now numb

so much so I fear I have no soul

it crept silently away erasing the sun.

I am left in darkness, in silence

deafening, screaching, maddening

pushing me from reason into violence

If I live a life with no words at all

I will become the living-dead roaming

the baren earth for the heavens to fall

waiting for him to come peaceful and loving.

All the lies we both had to trade

will suddenly stop when he sees me

and everything around will slowly fade

all our old scars will set us free

because now I finally know who I am

and I will never crawl or be affraid

but will you stop when you see me again?

will you understand the choices I made?

Whatever vile words they all may want to say

they can't break me or break my thoughts

because I know your walking slowly my way

there are no more schemes or crazy plots

just lives crashing into each other

just bodies coming together, intertwined

yearning, dreaming, lusting and going further

leaving everything, the whole world, behind...

Not Myself

I'm alone, I am not myself

I am scared,I don't know myself

and I hate myself! I hate myself!

I want to be someone else!

I am flying high, so high above

I can hear people lie and shove

trying to find their own place

looking in someone else's face

I am not feeling good nor fine

I have nothing I can call mine

no one here has ever been kind

they throw words at me that bind

my soul to the darkest places

I've seen in other people's faces

and all the sorrow that he chases

is what everyone else misplaces

No one will ever understand

what it's like to be banned!

something no one ever planned

crumbling as statue made of sand

I am not meant to be here

I am someone else's hidden fear

I should just fade and disappear

untill the skies are clear...

In this sea of angry faces I stand

alone in the dark, I don't know who I am

I can't save myself, no one else can

I'm afraid of myself, I don't know who I am!