Voices of a generation...

Writing the good stuff isn't as easy as it sounds... I had a huge speech on, well... stuff. But it just vanished from my mind. My thoughts are faster than sound! I know I was thinking about paths... and how I sometimes think that I was pushed on to mine. I should have been able to choose a certain path but eventually I let myself get pushed to this path and I am not happy. In fact, I am very unhappy. I should be able to say that I'm content but I'm not. If I were content that would be enough for me because the whole world is unhappy by the slightest little thing. I am unhappy in all aspects of my life. I can say that my life is one big mess. I sometimes try to pin-point the exact moment I let my life turn to shit but the truth is it's always been shit. I've never had a long period of bliss or whatever you call it. That's how fucked up it's been for me... I don't even know what real "happy" is. When I pass people on the street and they ask me how I am that's when all the shit hits me like a ton of bricks and the sad eyes and lonely smile appear. Why is it that people ask you how you are but are never interested in the answer? All they want to hear is: "I'm fine!"... well I think I'm going to start saying: "I'm fucking dandy! How the fuck are you?" or some shit like that... I never wanted this life for myself... sometimes I feel like I'm not myself. It's like I just fell into this life or some shit. Maybe I died and gone to hell... that's how I feel. My life feels a little like what hell might be (without the fire and brimstone... the bitches and the devil are always around me... taunting me.). I am currently trying to change my shitty life but it's going to take some serious will power. I sometimes wonder if I'll be able to muster the strength to push forward. I should be able to look up to someone or some sort of shit but the truth is that all the strong voices of my generation are either dead or seriously fucking crazy! I guess that's why I take it as a compliment when people call me crazy to my face... you know what I do when that happens? I smile... and it makes those people feel awkward. And when I realize how awkward those people are feeling I just think to myself: "my job here is done."