My past caught up with me last night...

I was without internet connection since sunday. Yesterday they came and fixed it. I was excited to get my social life back. In my case, cyber social life... it's a long debate but many people think and defend that the cyber social life kills the real social life... I guess that maybe in some ways this is true. But that's another story. And so I started surfing the web again... reading news, looking up friends (old and new), listening to music (also old and new), looking up movie reviews, and other stuff... and a name that I haven't thought about in a long time popped up in my head... so as tha curious bug that I am I looked him up on facebook. A rush of emotions ran through me... but in the end one feeling stood out the most: pain. He hurt me. He broke my heart. It is safe to say that my heart hasn't been broken too many times because I never let myself get hurt. I never let myself fall in love. I always ran from love... but this one time I actually believed it was possible to be happy. I was so wrong... I opened up my heart and gave myself to a man that never was... and got my heart broken. It hurts still... because the man I thought him to be was never real. He was always an illusion I let myself believe in. And so that's what I miss... the man I thought him to be but never was. The man of my dreams. Does he exist? I don't know... and sometimes I think I'll never know. I guess maybe I had my happiness... or maybe I'm meant to roam the earth hoping and searching for someone or something that doesn't exist...