I don't recognize myself anymore. I feel like the person I was 20 years ago has completely disappeared. I didn't quite like the person I was before but I keep being told that person was way more fun than the person I am now. But the person I am now is who I always wanted to be. The person I was before was always surrounded by drama and always had this urgent need of being in relationships - destructive relationships. The person I was before was self-destructive, mean, confused, rebellious and hateful. Odd enough, the person I was before was quite luckier than the person I am now - I had more friends, a more active social life. Today, all I want to do is sleep and maybe cuddle with someone. I don't want all the "perks" that come with an active social life - I don't care about going out, making friends or treating other people cruelly and play with their feelings. I was a real bitch. I regret a lot of the shit I did to other people and some of the choices I made along the way. But in the end, I got to where I wanted to be. I'm a solid person. Even though my shit's not in order, I know who I am and I'm not confused about stuff anymore. I know what I want. I want peace and quiet. Having fun isn't going to loud places and having a thousand friends. You can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. Having fun is doing stuff that puts a smile on your face and not do stuff because you feel obliged or you feel like other people expect you to do it. Being yourself is the most freedom you'll ever experience, so don't let other people expectations transform you. You don't have to be what other people want you to be, you can be yourself. There will always be someone out there that will love you for it. I know, I know... no one is in love with me. But give it time. It may happen, if I let it.
On the topic of love and falling in love... I've thought long and hard about it and I find it odd how so many people in the world have a relationship and act like their married. Boyfriend... Girlfriend. Why do people think those are the same as Husband or Wife? I don't get it. The so-called "friends with benefits" is what I think a relationship should be. Don't get all up in each other's business. Relax! Chill... you don't have to be like conjoined twins. You are two people! Live your own lives and come together when it suits both of you. Whoever you may be. I feel like I'm handing out advice now. But not really. I'm just getting my thoughts in order.
If your heart is broken or if you fear getting your heart broken - it will happen many times throughout your life. Fear will cripple the whole experience. The more you fear getting your heart broken the more toxic the connection will be and then it surely will end in tears. Keep in mind that nothing is forever. Even your own life has an end. Seasons end. Everything changes. The one thing that never changes it's change itself. Let yourself feel everything and enjoy every minute of it. Life is short.
So... in the end, whatever comes your way be sure and confident - you can handle it.
1 comentário:
I really think i would like to love someone like you. Not that i am crazy to writte but because its what i am thinking since a few days ago, i feel better with myself when i tell what is on my mind relentless of the consequences because i saw the end of my life so near that from now on saying what goes inside my soul became an important thing, why not? There is one or two reasons to not tell the true in my heart, onviously i would not tell it to a married women or a friends girlfriend , it is a mens code in my life, other than that, Eithne, it is too early but that's me again being myself. I am sorry if i give you a good reason to act mad on me and i take responsability tor the consequences, now i feel better. You are a beautiful person, your texts are very deep on fellings, and it is kind of the most dificult thing to control, my emotions. I am scared now because i don't know if i did well by taking this decision . Thanks for the good reading and stay motivated.
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