close your eyes

I am tired of feeling like this... out of place. I've been so many diferent people in my life that I don't know who to be now... who should I be? who do you want me to be? I've tried so hard to adapt and I've always been damned for it (if not, that's how I felt anyway). There is no god watching ove me... not now, nor ever! I want to rebel against the universe but I don't know how. I want to stop feeling... to quiet down these psycho voices in my head... to forget everything... I want to fall... I want it all to just stop! But nobody can stop fate... I wonder what fate has in store for me... loneliness, sadness, misery, weirdness... that is what I see ahead now that you're gone.

Sometimes I feel like we're being watched on TV by some asshole lazy god... and he's laughing his ass off... and it really pisses me off. How can he let such misery and fucked up things be happening all around us? Children dying... people dying... disease, starvation, injustice... evil people taking advantage of all of this misery... how can anyone believe in god? They tell me I must have faith... how can I keep faith in these conditions? When I know that no one gives a shit about the world and the people in it... I can't have faith... not in gods... not in people... not in myself.

And then you came... walking beautiful and sure... a tornado sweeping through my life... You swept most of all my ghosts away... but you left behind yours... and he burns my thoughts with a fire I cannot put out... and it burns deep inside... I'm at a loss for words... I keep writting the same thing over and over and over... your name... burnt on my flesh... your eyes... I feel them watching me... piercing my soul like knives. I am broken in two... From your eyes sheds a dawn I'll never know. We're two strangers turning into dust, now that the fire is being put out...

Remember the day we first met. Close your eyes and see me as I was then...