Last Chance

The past becomes the present
and the future is torn apart
I have no one left to resent
to blame for my broken heart

Dead birds on the sidewalk
are pretty much like sorrow
I can't sleep, I can't talk
I know I have no tomorrow...

The drink that took my soul
on that fateful blurry night
has finally pierced a hole
where once there was light.

And thoughts are scattered
as we smile and slow dance
you let go, my heart shattered
This was my one last chance...

Not All There

I don't want to sit and write
I want to feel this pain
void of any kind of light
as I let myself fall again

there aren't any right words
to keep me from breaking apart
nor enough lies in the world
to help mend my weak heart.

Soft hands running down my back
are hardly enough to fix me
and make me forget what I lack
or keep me from what I see.

I know I am weird and off
always drowning in strife
but tepid kisses aren't enough
to bring me back to life...

He knows I'm not all there
that's what makes me perfect
because he doesn't really care
I am just another reject...

From Afar

Under the same stars
waiting for dreams to come
we both wish from afar
both perfectly numb...

waiting to awake with a kiss
to quench our hunger
And surely we won't miss
all these years of slumber.

Love is Lost

Love is lost
and I am lost in love
that is the cost
of which I speak of.

Being lost within
voiceless and numb
dreaming of when
I used to strum

my song to you
but you can't hear it now
and I'm lost and blue
choking on broken vow

once spoken in haste
during blissful moment
feelings misplaced
no possible atonement...

I fall within myself
lost in one lonely thought
fearing only fear itself
It was all for nought...

I Swear...

I am here but not all there
I have no more heart to spare
I am here but not fully aware
this hell I live I must bare

He is still as free as the tides
there is no rule that he abides
His eyes are with which he hides
all the lies with which he divides

and conquers my broken heart
to once more rip it apart
like he did right from the start
so much so it's a work of art

this carved up heart I wear
is mere ornament not so rare
and I am here but not all there
but I still love you, I swear!

Fools in the rain

When it finally started to rain people ran outside and danced. Their clothes grew damp and as their clothes got wet they frenzied back inside to dry back off. They scattered around the house and went about their own business. I was one of those people but when I came back inside I sat by the window still wet forgetting about the cold. I would watch the drops of rain run down the window unpredictable and would sometimes catch a glimpse of my own reflection on the glass and think "who am I?". I would breathe on the glass and draw a question mark on the condensation. I would look outside again but felt nothing. The rain I so longed for had brought nothing with it. It did not wash away the sorrow. It just wet the fields and filled the air with the smell of wet summer. A smell I always loved and now was  indifferent  to. And  as I sit here writing this I can still see the young teenager running barefoot on the grass taking in every smell, sound and sight possible like an animal that's been set free back into the wild... I guess I've been in captivity for far too long. They have broken me... Life has broken me. And although I still struggle to break free, as is my nature, I know it will never happen. 

Then the rain kept on falling... and falling... for days. And everybody was tired of the rain. They were happy when it came but now wanted it to stop. Not me. I wanted the rain to last forever mirroring the pain I felt and no one could see. My hard shell keeps all the emotion from bursting out into the air. Some people consider numbness to be the absence of anything of substance inside but being numb is mostly having all these feelings and never expressing them. While everyone was wishing the rain away I sat in a corner wishing I was someone else. Then lighting struck and everyone was startled. Everyone but me... I didn't even flinch. But no one noticed. No one cared. I don't think anyone even knew I was there. A storm was about to hit and every flash of light that cut through the sky made me smile for some twisted reason. The lights went out. People were in a panic and started moving around looking for candles. I just sat there. I wish I could tell you that at that moment I had some sort of profound realization but the truth is I thought of nothing. I think that it was the only time in my whole life when my mind was blank and void. Everyone went to sleep but I just stayed in my corner. I sat there for hours watching the storm come close, hit and finally clear as sudden as it came. Then the rain stopped and I went to bed. As I drifted off I knew my life would always be just... this - a bunch of fools in the rain.

Waiting For You

I hear other voices in the background
but they're all muffled by the sound
of my own little simple heart breaking...

I hear the sound of shattered dreams
and see how people destroy everything
they know nothing is what it seems

and wrap themselves in torn out secrets
tied with perfect bows of obscene lies
hanging by strange looking amulets

I am not looking for anyone but myself
the one thing that keeps me from falling
is knowing that now I am someone else

The people around me are grey ghosts
haunting and taunting me each day
with different and misleading oaths

but I am not ready, it's not my time
so I close my eyes and stand still
life changes with a flip of a dime

and I'll be there to catch it
I'll be there waiting for you
to put out the fire I once lit...

Absolution

I sat alone by the sea
waited for hours and hours
but no one came for me...

I sat silently and still
the taste of tears so sour
I can't bend time to my will

obsession never leaves me
it pounds in my chest
like the loudest heartbeat

death does seem to bring solution
none other seems to me best
to void myself of absolution.

Sunday Rant

There is a time and place for everything. Right now time stands still, I stand still, but the world is speeding. Where are the cops? The world should get a speeding ticket and a fine. Time stands still and so do I... but still I grow old. Time is not yours and it certainly isn't mine so why do I think so much and so out of line?

I haven't seen or talked to him in ages. The world keeps speeding up! So much it makes me sick and I puke. The world is in a whirl and I am still. I can't fix my eyes on one point so I keep them closed. But as I close my eyes darkness seeps in... in stages. First the blurriness of the dizzying motion, then the bright colors you see right after you shut your lids, then the colors swallowed up by darkness. I want to open them again but I am afraid.

What if I open my eyes and everything is gone except the everlasting motion of the world? What if I open my eyes and I am a dead corpse... a thought someone is having at that precise moment? Nothing but a useless memory. Deceiving useless memories... What if I open my eyes and look in the mirror and actually see myself? What if I see that I am actually someone else?

Who I was and who I am... they fight within me every second. They can't see eye to eye or walk hand in hand. Inside of me is constant quarrel. Infinite madness wrapped in self-pitiful  sadness.
And as I write these words of woe I have already forgotten what they are about. I am confused... I am human - broken down and misused. I am not crazy but still I shout! I shout for freedom! I shout for the right to be, to exist as I am! I fight and scream with my last breath for the world to slow down, for time to move one, for myself to push through... I shall always fight with passion, I shall fight to the death! I shall fight within myself until all qualms and quarrels are resolved. I shall  cry when I look in the mirror but I shall make peace with myself...

Hypocrisy

Hypocrisy has long legs
that stride in style
in heels turning heads
batting lashes, fake smile

she reels you in with a whisper
and though you see beauty,
all you want is to kiss her
inside there's only cruelty.

and when you least expect it
she strikes you like a snake!
when you realize you were bit
it's too late for you to wake

as you open your hazy eyes
to slowly take one last look
she has shed her disguise
but still you're on her hook.

you hear her walking away
her heels stomping over you
but still you must obey
you're mind wants nothing new.

And though she is not present
she shall forever be embedded
like a memory of a sweet scent
and you're next to embody her.

She is a witch that spells all
nobody is ever fully immune
and how easily I watch them fall
some of them fall way too soon.