Disappointment

Ripe with certain hope
I walked confident each day
but I hit a slippery slope
and fell down all the way!

Always wait-listed
it strikes me as a shock
for I am not dim-witted
so why shouldn't I talk?

Always outside looking in
I see all that I am missing
I watch everyone else win...
they're like snakes hissing

poisoning me with their venom
flapping tongues bitter words
to them sound like an anthem
to me sound like plotting lizards...

I am seen as simple prey
what they do not know
Is that this is just my way
of dealing with my foe.

Ignoring idiots is what's best
no matter how much they hiss
they shall fall like all the rest
and all of them I do dismiss.

I think of dreams they shatter
and I don't know who to be...
I don't exist and I don't matter
but one day I shall be free...

SOMETHING

Give me something to sing about
because I'm all tapped out
and I seem to have lost my mind
searching for what I'll never find.

Give me something to talk about
can't you see I'm all stressed out?
All the people in this lonely world
have love and perfect shiny souls.

When will I stop and sing?
When will I see what life brings?
When will I find true love?
what am I thinking of...?

there is none left for me
even though they say it's free...

Give me something to cry about
I lost my voice now I can't shout
I am in my cold bed all alone
everything I had is now gone...

Give me something to be mad about
I am lost and I'm freaking out!
Politics don't keep me warm at night
I'm all worn out, I just can't fight...

There's nothing out there for me
so leave me alone, let me be!

Give me something to dream about
I'm drowning in my own self-doubt.
In the world in my dreams I am free
to be whom ever I want to be.

But there aren't any dreams left for me
Am I the only one who can see...?

Hungry Beasts

 

Drunk on given power

they take and they take!

Now is the time, now is the hour

for us to take back and shake

our fists in anger and scream

against all this injustice...

We, who dare to dream

of harmony and bliss.

We, the people demand

the end of disparity

brought by government's hand.

We deserve to be free!

The rights given by the book

are stripped by hungry beasts that never

give back what they took

and there is no we, only me

still dreaming and hoping

for the people to wake and shout as loud

as a noise only the world can make. 

Now, Forever or Never

There once was a boy from the city
who met a girl from a small town
Who couldn't bring himself to believe
that she would always hang around.

He never saw himself as she did
Always wrapping himself in darkness
pulling back and pushing aside
everyone who dared bring happiness.

And one day with tears in her eyes
she slowly started to peel back layers
that hid himself in a pool of lies
disguised as fool's prayers...

Then he stopped and saw her
as if for the very first time
he started to believe in forever
built on love and rhyme...

This is a story of possibility
of love lurking in every corner
It could be you or it could be me.
It could be now, forever or never.

Who Is It...

 

Who am I? I forgot myself...
I remember falling asleep
but woke up as someone else
who can't smile or weep

I am like everyone else
I work, eat and sleep
and I am not myself...
I wake up and drag my feet

remembering who I was
faded memories revived
while I slowly pause
and realize how I'm deprived

of all that I ever wanted
peace, happiness, love...
And now I am haunted
because all I think of

is of what I never knew
feelings burning within
and dreams of you
caressing my soft skin.

And the last thing I remember
is closing my eyes for a kiss
now I'm here, I surrender
but you I'll always miss

The one I never met
the one I never kissed
the one that I can't get
someone on my mailing list...

From zero to death

 

I'm either all in or not in at all

you're waiting for me to trip and fall

I have to stop to catch my breath

my love for you goes from zero to death

in between there is only emptiness

as I watch you fall into the nothingness

that is in my mind erasing all thought

my love for you goes from zero to lots

What comes after zero? is it nothing?

because I am still waiting for everything

something like I never had before

my love for you goes from zero to more

and when everything I ever wanted fails

I will cut through and open new trails

Even though you're never there and scath

my love for you goes from zero to death...

I Never...

I never looked in your eyes

I never felt your sweet touch

I never got caught in your smiles

I never did, it was too much

You never did look back

you never cared or did feel

you never were what I lacked

it feels you were never real.

I never did hold back

I never looked above

I never once lacked

Or did feel your love... 

Love's Loss

I have a hole in my heart
that at times seems to burn
from the very first start
it has been an elaborate urn.

I blow away love's ashes
towards the deep blue sea
where a perfect wave crashes
always reminding you of me...

for my temperament is unsteady
and I crash or flicker light
just like our beloved sea...
you are the day and I the night

Too different to be together
yet attraction slowly seeps in
and like the moon, wanted forever
I let you get under my skin...

But as daylight kills the dark
you came in all your splendor
and ripped out my simple heart
the same that I had surrendered

to you... only you, my lost love
my murderer, death in disguise
and I, something you dispose of
and you, the only one I dispise!

BROKEN

You just stood there

hauntingly beautiful

with an ageless stare

and words irrefutable

my thick raised eyebrow

caught you and made you smile

but you never did allow

for it to be more than a while

Though I know there is no forever

I would refuse that light of dawn

because I know it is far better

than an old beggar's song.

That is what I sing now

the voice of the lark died

I don't quite know how

or when or how it tried

to make itself heard

by the staggering child

owner of a thick beard

spewing delectable lies

With clear eyes that burn

the sould of any woman

I too for him yearned

but he was clearly adamant

I was left behind alone

living on faded memories

and they too will be gone

as do all ambiguities.

All I Have to Give

I feel nothin, I'm numb

my heart skips a beat

though I'm not having fun

I just drag my feet

and lower my head

trying not to think about

all that's been said

Sometimes I just want to shout!

People don't know...

they don't know me!

They just like a good show

so how can they judge me?

I am nothing but myself

a free spirit trying to live

I can't be someone else

this is all I have to give.

Give Me

Give me something to sing about

give me something to hope for

something to smile about

give me a little something more

take all the lies you left behind

take my heart you've torn it apart

take all the words that were unkind

you took all of me from the start

so now give me back myself

give me something to write

go away with someone else

leave, be gone, out of sight

leave me behind to pick up the pieces

leave my thoughts and memories

take all your songs and kisses

but leave me my ambiguities

give me something to talk about

and something I can pray for

give me something to dream about

give me what you gave me before...

Dream

I wake each day wanting more

of the dream that was you

A dream I dreampt before

I wake and reality is blue

In my dreams I know you

I know where your lips begin

You know exactly what to do

and you make my head spin

But when I open my eyes

and you are not there

I slowly start to realize

that you really don't care

You're just a dream!

haunting me each night

I should stay up and scream

until dawn's first light

But the dream calls for me

in imaginary arms I fall

and even though I can see

this is better than nothing at all...

Flowers

I sat here for hours

in deafening silence

with rotting flowers

hoping for a glimpse

I gave you my flowers

but you dropped them

and I stared for hours

hoping to see you again

I gave you flowers

I gave you everything

I have no power

you kill everything

I walk away with dead flowers

and a tear cuts my face

nothing is now ours

I walk away in disgrace

Nothing will ever be the same

dead petals on the floor

I am the only one to blame

I kept going back for more

I stare up at your window

and the flowers are dead

I am nothing but a shadow

drowning in what you never said...

Voices of a generation...

Writing the good stuff isn't as easy as it sounds... I had a huge speech on, well... stuff. But it just vanished from my mind. My thoughts are faster than sound! I know I was thinking about paths... and how I sometimes think that I was pushed on to mine. I should have been able to choose a certain path but eventually I let myself get pushed to this path and I am not happy. In fact, I am very unhappy. I should be able to say that I'm content but I'm not. If I were content that would be enough for me because the whole world is unhappy by the slightest little thing. I am unhappy in all aspects of my life. I can say that my life is one big mess. I sometimes try to pin-point the exact moment I let my life turn to shit but the truth is it's always been shit. I've never had a long period of bliss or whatever you call it. That's how fucked up it's been for me... I don't even know what real "happy" is. When I pass people on the street and they ask me how I am that's when all the shit hits me like a ton of bricks and the sad eyes and lonely smile appear. Why is it that people ask you how you are but are never interested in the answer? All they want to hear is: "I'm fine!"... well I think I'm going to start saying: "I'm fucking dandy! How the fuck are you?" or some shit like that... I never wanted this life for myself... sometimes I feel like I'm not myself. It's like I just fell into this life or some shit. Maybe I died and gone to hell... that's how I feel. My life feels a little like what hell might be (without the fire and brimstone... the bitches and the devil are always around me... taunting me.). I am currently trying to change my shitty life but it's going to take some serious will power. I sometimes wonder if I'll be able to muster the strength to push forward. I should be able to look up to someone or some sort of shit but the truth is that all the strong voices of my generation are either dead or seriously fucking crazy! I guess that's why I take it as a compliment when people call me crazy to my face... you know what I do when that happens? I smile... and it makes those people feel awkward. And when I realize how awkward those people are feeling I just think to myself: "my job here is done."

There Is No Forever

I want the whole world to stop

I want time to lie down

and cry as we suddenly swap

places and I am no longer common

I clutch a cloud and ride the wind

I fly high whispering your name

but I can't seem to actually find

true love, a sparkling flame...

So I ground myself once more

sad and jealous of time

I'm no longer who I was before

so I drown myself in rhyme

I close my eyes and I remember

soft lips, a safe embrace

hope of a possible forever

arms to pull me back to grace

But morning came and took it all

and I laid naked on the floor

trying to forget the painful fall

like I did so many times before...

The sparkle in my eyes slowly dies

I slowly give in to time's will

the emptiness in me I can't disguise

and I know I can't ever fill

the hole in my heart you left

that will burn inside forever

this is a lesson I won't forget

there is no forever, only never!

4RC

I could write you a song

with perfect words of love

it wouldn't take me that long

to sing about what I'm thinking of

But the words melted in my mouth

as you slowly took my breath away

like no one has ever done before,

I will think about you every day

But before I leave and actually go

please, give me back my words

for they are all I have to show,

of my mind is flying backwards.

And I am standing perfectly still

as the world around me moves on

and I slowly bend to it's will

while you are gone.

But for now I can rest my head

on your warm bare chest

and as we lie in your bed

I hear your heart beating so fast.

I will always remember your fingers

running through my short hair

your sweet smell still lingers

on my body, on my clothes, everywhere!

And I can smile for the rest of my life

I can see, I can hear and catch my breath

I can still feel you deep within

I can close my eyes and smile before death

because for just one random night

we were in this world alone

will you think of me tonight?

will you remember me when I'm gone?

I will think of you tonight

and every night 'till the end of time...

you have a bright burning light

that will forever sparkle and shine

Etching itself deep inside of me

and no matter where I've gone

This night will always be part of me

and follow me wherever I should belong.

And in your arms I found bliss

for an hour, a night, a lifetime

you brought me back with just one kiss

to an eternity of sighs and rhyme...

STOP

I'm drowning in melancholy

for the whole world to see

and no one will save me.

Time sits still for no one

everyone I knew is gone

but I did nothing wrong.

Fighting fate is a hard task

nothing good can ever last

all I have is stuck in the past...

Memories, delusions, hope

Hanging myself in invisible rope

with no other way to cope...

How can I ever stop loving?

would be easier to stop breathing

but I can't stop you from leaving.

So I sit in the dark wishing for light

wanting to gather strength to fight

but I think that I just might

Stop talking, stop dancing

stop crying, stop smiling

stop feeling, stop breathing...

Nothing Left

I gave you everything, everything

my body, my mind and my soul

But you never wanted anything

always stuck in your small world

when there is love to be found

you push me down hard and I fall

the earth stands still without a sound

I realize there's no love at all

Only a deafening silence surrounds me

I close my eyes and drown in my tears

I now know that I'll never be free

you echo through all these years

while I spin round and round

hunting, searching for happiness

but I keep falling on the ground

looking up all I feel is loneliness

The earth and the moon have left me

and the stars explode and fall down

but no else around here can see

there's no more love to be found...

Falling

These tears cut my cheeks just like knives

I'm writing to say I am sick of your lies

you know, almost twenty years have passed

but I see you are still the same ass...

And I know now that I'm shit out of luck

I also see you're still the same miserable fuck

There is no magical way for me to go back

and stop myself from becoming this wreck.

And love is dead, I no longer believe in it

you'll always be this lingering prick.

You won't let me live, won't let me move on

you know I am vulnerable to your whipering song...

And I am falling and I catch on fire

I see you'll always be the same perfect liar

The flames burn my heart into black ash

that you gather and throw in the trash

My words are meaningless and empty

I know now you'll never love me...