tomorrow everything will be alright

Thirteen wishes for the second daughter

about to turn thirty-five - a lamb to the slaughter

oblivion is what she saught for way too long

in shape of drugs that turn her into song

rainbows surround her but turn into nightmare

her feelings get amplified and hard to bare

she closes her eyes to keep her demons at bay

but even then they never seem to go away

drowning herself and her mind in booze

but all of her thoughts no drug can diffuse

desperation takes over her broken mind

peace and happiness always so hard to find.

this is the story of a wild girl gone sane

drugs and booze never could numb the pain

Enough is enough and she had more than enough

She woke up and never again touched that stuff

"Open your eyes!" she heard someone say

no more did she want to feel that way

broken and shattered she opened her eyes

and saw a world filled with beautiful sighs

Memories of the past to fill again her heart

no more would she cry in pain through the night

her life is now finally about to start

she knows that tomorrow everything will be alright.

The Part that Never Lasts

And I am only part of your past

the part that would never last

a broken piece of an old memory

that no one I know wants to carry

I know I say that I am just fine

But I wish you'd wonder from time to time

I will always have feeling for you

but I wish I could just unmeet you

I don't know where I am going

no one can hear what I'm saying

but I am now on my way

dragging my feet of clay

Waiting for what will never be

Seeing things no one else can see

Remembering what you already forgot

I want to move forward but i cannot

My feet of clay crumble and I fall

as I realize I meant nothing at all

because I am only part of your past

the part that never did last...

There Is No Forever

The moon cuts through the dark sky

and the stars are hiding tonight

Here is where I will now lie

wishing for a spark of light

to ignite this disconnected heart.

I fall asleep choking on the wires

waiting for my life to finally start

and give in to all my secret desires.

I turn the page of my life's book,

in every setence your name is written.

You've got me on a permanent hook

gone, crazy, numb, absolutely smitten...

Many times I exiled you from my mind

but second best is never enough,

everything I want is hard to find.

And I am not what I seem, I'm not tough

I shut down my feelings to push on

but being a robot is much worse

everything that I was taken, gone.

Nothing left but this verse...

Sometimes late at night I think of you

knowing we'll never again be together

and I start to feel sad and blue

because I know there is no forever.

Not Even You

throbbing headaches and sleepless nights

you're long gone, gone from my sight

but never for one second out of mind!

My body could brake and I could go blind

But you would always roam in my thoughts

because I am the one you unwillingly caught

And you said I am not the one for you

now I hang my head as I sit here feeling blue.

I asked you to give it to me straight

put me out of my misery, better now than too late.

But now I know when I first looked in you eyes

it was then too late and I could see my demise.

My heart will forever be hollow and broken

put your hear to my chest, you can hear the ocean.

Songs of yesterday whispered around me

remind me of the person I used to be...

But the person I am now can only dream

of being a person with self-esteem.

I am the ghost that roams these halls

with no one to hear my lonely calls.

I look up waiting for my black crow

to show me where I should go...

For I am weak and cannot go on like this

living an empty life knowing what I miss.

Looking hard through old memories

filled with regreat and apologies

to everyone I ever loved or knew

But no one seems to care, not even you...

In My Dreams

In my dreams I can say

all the things I need to say

I can laught and I can smile

as I sleep for a while.

In my dreams I am myself

I don't pretend to be someone else

I close my eyes and fall in deep

in a world brought by sleep.

The sun shines on my face

bathing me in its grace

The earth is quiet, it is still

I can bend it to my will.

But in my dreams sometimes you come

and all this happiness comes undone

These dreams become nightmares

burdons I still have to bare.

Torture comes from your lips

in the shape of one last kiss

your grin reveals it's meaningless

this kiss that leaves me breathless

And tears flow like rain

as I embrace all this pain

lightning hits me once more

with a love I've felt before.

Tears

Time passes by slowly

as shadows dance on walls

and hardly see me...

some don't see me at all.

a tear drops from my eye

and I feel it again,

the sound of your lies

and the taste of pain.

my words are hollow

whispered to the wind

some are hard to swallow

and spoken in sin...

but inside me there's a fire,

a hope that still lingers,

hanging on a thin wire

wrapped around my fingers.

dreams of you escape me

they're not mine to keep

they're not yours to see

they're just tears I weep.

To Start Living

It's late at night on a friday

she cries silently in the shower

she washes away what people say

and the tears mix with the water

running dow her sad face

and falling on her tired breast...

In this same old place

there is no where to rest!

She writes empty thoughts

and makes up love stories.

She pretends to be distraught

holding on to old memories.

But she is like all the rest

living a borrowed life

searching for one that's best

not filled with so much strife.

reaching for what is not there

holding out for everything

waiting for someone to care

waiting to start living...

Holding on to Nothing

you ate all of my crackers

it really pissed me off

you drank all of my water

what were you thinking of?

Is it me or was it her?

you piss all over the toilet seat

you never wash the damn dishes

you wake me up when I'm asleep

I tell you all but you don't listen

I can't go on another day

living in your world of lies

I don't know how to say

I'm sick of your sweet sighs

I can't go on another minute

you take and you want everything

I'm empty and I don't feel shit

holding on to this nothing...

you make my soft skin crawl

your voice is fucking annoying

and I never loved you at all

I was only acting...

lying in my bed

I remember what you said

but I'm happy sleeping alone

I'm glad that you are gone!

You said always and forever

but forever is such a long time

I would rather it be never

than to only be a pastime...

I can't go on another day

living in your world of lies

I don't know how to say

I'm sick of your sweet sighs

I can't go on another minute

you take and you want everything

I'm empty and I don't feel shit

holding on to this nothing...

No Answers

I am tired but I can't sleep

I lie awake in bed at night

thinking of reasons not to weep

I turn on the light

I walk around my emtpy room

trying to figure out

why am I stuck in this gloom

what is life all about

There are no answers

There's no one listening

to me, to him, to her...

only hear myself whispering.

I go back to my bed

and stare at the ceiling

fake memories invade my head

and I am still dealing

lying in my bed

I remember what you said

I am not the one

but remember me when I'm gone

There are no answers

There's no one listening

to me, to him, to her...

only hear myself whispering.

Mother

Mother calls me a freak accident

makes me doubt myself and my place

growing up she was always absent

I could never remember her face

During adolescence I spun out

lost control of who I was

wondering what life's about

searching for a rebelious cause

I was deep in self-destruction

constantly dancing with death

I dove into all sorts of ruin

and I could feel it's breath

cold and haunting on my neck

seducing me with it's darkness

but somehow I was brought back

by a fluke filled with brightness.

A mistake that shines through

pulling me back to the living

and even though I am sometimes blue

his smile makes me keep smilling

Giving me hope that someday

mother will finally be proud

and have kind words to say

holding my hand in a crowd.

Invisible Girl

My voice is so fucking small

can't reach who I want it to reach

I could be seven feet tall

and have great secrets to teach

Still I'd be no one

that he would want to meet

no matter what I've done

I'm still standing on my feet

I am the invisible girl

he sees right through me

I don't belong in his world

but I don't know who else to be.

Going Down

I'm going down, so down

I work so hard

to fit in this town

but my heart is a graveyard

It's hard to breathe

down this low

I want to leave

but I have no where to go.

I need a friend

I have no one

no helping hand

everyone is gone.

Nobody knows

and no one dares

No one can see

and no one cares.

And I don't know myself

I can't feel my soul

I want to be someone else,

someone with a goal.

But I'm going down, so down

I've been broken

by this crazy town

life is spoken

and I'm going down...

Such Is Life (aka Cafeteria Girl)

I once had a friend, he looked like jesus

he was in love with the cafeteria girl

she was beautiful in her strapless dress

my friend had is mind in an endless whirl

oh cafeteria girl where have you gone?

he is sitting alone writting his song

you've always been on his mind

but he is so shy and resined.

At the cafeteria he heard your voice

his heart starting beating again

like it had no other choice

And that day it started to rain

He told me about his cafeteria girl

and how beautiful her voice was

But he lives in his own world

he won't talk to her "just because"

And one day he asked her out

she said no and never said why

his heart felt like a paper cutout

ripped to shreads, he said goodbye

He didn't know what else to do

we were all young back then

he's too good for someone like you

and now you'll never see him again

Oh cafeteria girl you sure suck!

you don't even know him like I do

and now you're shit out of luck

He just sat there feeling blue

Wondering what the hell it's all about

And he turned off all of his lights

Now it's time for him to check out

Because everyone knows such is life...

Sappy Ending

I'm standing still

with eyes shut

against my will

hoping for an exit

from this world

All around me

everyone happy

I don't want to see

love that sappy

in a cherry swirl

perfect smiles

surrounding me

I'm stuck in lies

no one can see

I'm just a girl

I am melancholy

that kind of love

is for the living

I don't think of

any sappy ending.