I've been trying to understand the path my life has taken these last couple of years and I must say that I'm completely baffled! I have no idea where I'm going. Where I've been... well... that's a different story. I've always been surrounded by... I have no name for it. Sometimes I've been right in the middle of the nameless feeling or happenings. It wasn't all bad though. I've had some happiness. I just can't seem to get some at this stage of my life. Why? I have no clue. Like I said... I have no idea where I'm going. I guess I just hit auto-pilot and am letting life take me where ever it wants me to be. What I mean is: I've always fought fate and tried to build my own path but the truth is no matter how hard I fought I always end up where life wants me to go. So what's the point? I feel like I'm at a crossroads and I don't know which road to choose. I have to wait for the wind to push me towards the direction I'm supposed to go. I know who I used to be. It was never the person I wanted to be. But who am I supposed to be now? I have no clue about that one either... I guess I'm stuck in this limbo and don't know how to get out of this funky funk. Love life is... well... it isn't. And I've come to terms with that one. There are other ways to be happy but I can't seem to fulfill myself with any of them. I always feel like something is missing. Like I have this hole inside of me that can't be filled. Maybe one day I'll find it's full. And maybe one day I'll wake up and realize that I'm the person I always wanted to be. Or maybe later that day I'll disappoint myself and end up right where I am now. It's a vicious cycle. But the one thing that never changes is change and I can't wait for some change to happen to me and to my life.
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