Turning a new leaf...

I have a hole inside of me... Throughout the years I tried filling it with all the wrong people and now I am just a broken shell of the person I used to be. I can't mend what I broke over the years... friendships, relationships... they're all just grains of sand that got blown away by the storm that was my personality. I pushed people away... I never knew who I wanted to be... I know I never wanted the be the person you all see. And now I am nobody. Just a ghost of the person I used to be wandering the world hoping for better days to come. I wake up each day, go to work and come home. I have no friends. I have no loves nor love interests. I am empty but longing to be filled again. Will that day ever come? I have no idea... but as long as I keep hoping my daily routines are somewhat bareble. I think maybe I need a plan... I need to take care of myself and think more about myself. I need to get out there and work hard on myself and on the person I want to be. I have to put aside my books and movies and breathe in the fresh (right now hot) mountain air and take a stand. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself and live. Life is for the living... I spent so much of my life dancing with death, I was totally in love with it... thought it was so romantic. How stupid I was. I think all that is crap. Death is not romantic. Death is just Death. It's the end of your time to do whatever it is you came here to do. I don't want to leave without doing every little thing I'm supposed to do. I want to live! And I want to live well and find some measure of happiness along the way. I will wake up tomorrow ready to take on this new found - I have no word for it - resolution? yeah... I am putting this plan in to action and I shall prevail! I shall set small goals and achieve them. I shall mend my heart and my body. I shall bring back to life the fun outgoing ballsy person I used to be. That is now my plan. It'll be my mission!