Heart...?

People say that home is where the heart is... what if you're heart is somewhere else? What if you live in a place that you hate surrounded by people you have nothing in common with? That is the case with me... I hate this town I live in. It's beautiful and peaceful. But the people here are always trying to come up with new and improved ways to screw you behind your back... they're regular backstabbers. They're also very fake. They smile at you in the hallways and then talk smack about you behind your back. I've seen this first hand. I am a very low profile person and sometimes people don't even notice I'm around and I hear really nasty stuff... then I start to wonder if and what they say about me behing my back. It really saddens me that people need this kind of shit to make theur lives mean something. I wish I had at least one friend around to talk and hang out with because sometimes I feel like I might just snap!
I know you will say that there are those type of people everywhere... but the thing is... I really don't belong here. Everyone sets me aside and hardly anyone wants to sit with me. I feel like the really fat kid that gets picked last for soccer teams during gymn class. I feel like a freaking piñata at home because my mom just looooOOOOooooves to take it out on me and point out all my past faults. Like she doesn't have any. She's always been a sloppy mom and always made me feel like crap. She still does that. I just let it slide and pay no attention to the crazy lady. She's not even coerent anymore. But the damage is done. When she did seem coerent in her ramblings she made me feel useless and so I acted so. It took me a while to realize she was wrong and that everyone has worth. For so long I treated myself like crap because I believed her. Now that is over. I have moved on and am so over all of my mom's ramblings. Now all I feel is loneliness. My friends were all left behind. And we always say we'll be in touch and that we'll visit... but we all now that never happens because life goes on and our busy schedules just makes us forget about who is no longer around... I guess that's why they say "out of sight, out of mind".

So... I guess what I'm saying is that my heart is miles away. That means that I have a hole inside of me and if you put your ear to my chest you'll probably hear the ocean... because that's where my heart is. It belongs to the city by the sea...