Whole

All the ghosts that haunted me are hidden now... I fought them for so long that now every battle seems pointless and trivial. Why do we always let ourselves be haunted by the past? It took me a long time to learn how to move on and look forward. I guess before I couldn't actually see into the future... or maybe I just didn't look forward or have any expectations. I always moved around a lot looking for something I don't actually need. I needed to feel whole and always looked and yearned for something... anything... nothing... it was a pointless search. Something inside me was crying and fueling this fiery quest I threw myself onto... I don't have any more energy to waste on such an empty quest. It's time for my feet to stand still in one place.

There's no bitterness... no sorrow... no sadness... Only hopes for the future. A secret knowledge buried deep inside that everything will turn out the way it's supposed to. I can't wait to see what's in store for me... Happy songs are ahead, I'm sure of it! I have friends and I have music... I live well and am employed... so why all this belly-aching? It's time to look at all the positive things and forget about the past. It's time to apreciate all the small things everyone overlooks like a flower growing in the wild, a butterfly fluttering through trafic, a baby smilling on a line at the supermarket... stuff like that always lifts the heaviness from our hearts. And right now, it's what I'm concentrating on to dissolve this pain inside me that I've had for years... The yearning... it's still here... but I put it away! It's safely locked in a box that I keep on the back of my head. It'll come out again someday... or maybe not. Maybe I'll find a way or someone that'll actually end it. And then... before I know it... I'll feel whole again...