Waiting For You

I hear other voices in the background
but they're all muffled by the sound
of my own little simple heart breaking...

I hear the sound of shattered dreams
and see how people destroy everything
they know nothing is what it seems

and wrap themselves in torn out secrets
tied with perfect bows of obscene lies
hanging by strange looking amulets

I am not looking for anyone but myself
the one thing that keeps me from falling
is knowing that now I am someone else

The people around me are grey ghosts
haunting and taunting me each day
with different and misleading oaths

but I am not ready, it's not my time
so I close my eyes and stand still
life changes with a flip of a dime

and I'll be there to catch it
I'll be there waiting for you
to put out the fire I once lit...

Absolution

I sat alone by the sea
waited for hours and hours
but no one came for me...

I sat silently and still
the taste of tears so sour
I can't bend time to my will

obsession never leaves me
it pounds in my chest
like the loudest heartbeat

death does seem to bring solution
none other seems to me best
to void myself of absolution.

Sunday Rant

There is a time and place for everything. Right now time stands still, I stand still, but the world is speeding. Where are the cops? The world should get a speeding ticket and a fine. Time stands still and so do I... but still I grow old. Time is not yours and it certainly isn't mine so why do I think so much and so out of line?

I haven't seen or talked to him in ages. The world keeps speeding up! So much it makes me sick and I puke. The world is in a whirl and I am still. I can't fix my eyes on one point so I keep them closed. But as I close my eyes darkness seeps in... in stages. First the blurriness of the dizzying motion, then the bright colors you see right after you shut your lids, then the colors swallowed up by darkness. I want to open them again but I am afraid.

What if I open my eyes and everything is gone except the everlasting motion of the world? What if I open my eyes and I am a dead corpse... a thought someone is having at that precise moment? Nothing but a useless memory. Deceiving useless memories... What if I open my eyes and look in the mirror and actually see myself? What if I see that I am actually someone else?

Who I was and who I am... they fight within me every second. They can't see eye to eye or walk hand in hand. Inside of me is constant quarrel. Infinite madness wrapped in self-pitiful  sadness.
And as I write these words of woe I have already forgotten what they are about. I am confused... I am human - broken down and misused. I am not crazy but still I shout! I shout for freedom! I shout for the right to be, to exist as I am! I fight and scream with my last breath for the world to slow down, for time to move one, for myself to push through... I shall always fight with passion, I shall fight to the death! I shall fight within myself until all qualms and quarrels are resolved. I shall  cry when I look in the mirror but I shall make peace with myself...

Hypocrisy

Hypocrisy has long legs
that stride in style
in heels turning heads
batting lashes, fake smile

she reels you in with a whisper
and though you see beauty,
all you want is to kiss her
inside there's only cruelty.

and when you least expect it
she strikes you like a snake!
when you realize you were bit
it's too late for you to wake

as you open your hazy eyes
to slowly take one last look
she has shed her disguise
but still you're on her hook.

you hear her walking away
her heels stomping over you
but still you must obey
you're mind wants nothing new.

And though she is not present
she shall forever be embedded
like a memory of a sweet scent
and you're next to embody her.

She is a witch that spells all
nobody is ever fully immune
and how easily I watch them fall
some of them fall way too soon.

Last Breath

I must cry so that I may write
I am empty but still I fight
I fight and make a big fuss
I fight for you, I fight for us

I toss and I turn at night in my bed
thoughts stir in the dark, in my head
I feel the sun and I haven't slept
my face is damp but I have not wept

the madness that is locked within
is only lust wrapped in original sin
A lust for life, for everything!
a passion for him, for nothing...

Because my everything is just nothing
even though it might be something
it will never be enough to fill me
my life will always be an endless plea

A longing burning me up inside
a secret that I cannot seem to hide
boiling blood running in my veins
a feeling that binds me up in chains

a kiss that in my dreams he stole
ravishing and taking me whole
so much so I fear I am close to death
with a kiss to seal my last breath.

Over Now

My coffee has gone cold
Feels just like winter
But the sun is gold
And I am here all alone

Waiting... breathing
The sound of my breath
Seems so absolving
Like I'm ready for death

My heart shatters
My eyes are the ocean
But it doesn't matter
I'll strip all emotion

Naked of all feeling
Forgetting myself
To start my healing
Becoming someone else.

I shouldn't be surprised
It's always the same
I am loved then despised
And I burn in the flame

Of your sweet lies
I forget myself once more
And hide behind my sighs
Like so many times before.

But it's all over now
My heart is a hard stone
That you carved somehow
And now I want to be alone.

Stale Words

Stale words unspoken
Over imaginary coffee
A heart that's broken
Eyes that cannot see

Hands missing touch
Chapped virgin lips
Happiness on a crutch
Nothing left but this

Your ghost haunting me
Warm breath on my skin
Old words taunting me
Making my head spin...

Where did it all go?
I am falling once again
And I think you know
I'm the fool in the rain

Where are you now?
I am falling once again
I can't stop somehow
Just say my name...

I'll wake to the sound
Of a voice I once knew
That is once more found
In you... always you.

Coffee

Silence broken and shattered
by simple words and stories
it was all that mattered
a chance to burn new memories

Coffee being the universal drink
to which all people mingle to
and I won't even dare blink
at a chance to have coffee with you

I will gush like a schoolgirl
hanging on your every word
Like they've never been heard
never mind the rest of the world

Let us sit and sip our coffee
and between awkward smiles
you will actually see me
and stay for a little while

You'll brush the hair from my face
and I'll feel your warm breath
on my skin and I'll feel safe
from everything... even death.

Substance Infusion

I am high and wet
infused by booze
my mind is set
with eyes translucent

the moon is hidden
behind dark skies
and I am smitten
by his disguise

I fall in a trance
drugs and alcohol
make me dance and dance
to no sound at all

emptiness is filled
by this substance infusion
that dulls dreams unfulfilled
and numbs all confusion

the glass weighs heavy
and my hand is swollen
I can't up and leave
my life has been stolen

there is nothing left
but substance infusion
and memories of theft
without any conclusion.

The Beginning

Where I end he begins
But I sometimes wonder
If I ever begun
And if he will ever end...

When I inhale
He exhales.
When he smiles
I cry...

When he sleeps
I am awake.
As he dreams
I watch over him.

When I am tired
He is filled with energy
And as he walks
I crawl...

My end is his beginning
But my beginning has no end
Because with true love
There's no difference at all...