thirty-five

It's just a number... thirty-five.

It's not like she has anything to hide

She's still here and still alive

most the times contemplates suicide

but she hears the cries inside

and remembers all the tears she cried

She tries to forget all of the old shit

some is true other does not want to admit

She's always looking over her shoulder

and there it is, it's bigger and bolder

Screaming right in your rinkled face

your're older and lost all your grace

Thirty-five, thirty-five... a lonely number

sit on the couch and fall in and out of slumber

Pushed far behind in the dirty background

of this fucking lost and insane town

I try to run but I can't seem to move

I seem to have lost all of my groove!

Thirty-five is here and will soon be gone

just like night is removed by dawn...

Turpentine

your love burns my eyes like turpentine

you gave it all away but none was mine!

I bless your soul with thoughts divine

your words always seem to flow like wine!

Come on, baby, walk... walk towards me

Come on, baby, walk... come on and free me

your kisses taste just like your lies

burying me in a pool of fake sighs

it's alright, you can look me in the eyes

see my soul fly, come and see it rise

Come on baby, send me straight to heaven

come on baby, you know all is forgiven

your touch turns me cold as a stone

and you're stull sitting up on your throne

My, oh my! how have you sat up and grown?

while I am still sitting here left to moan...

Come on baby, set me... set me free!

come on baby, let me... let me be me!

Your mouth tastes just like turpentine

you were here but you were never mine!

I always fell for the same sweet line

"you look like a goddes, you're so fine!"

Come on baby, I can't wait... can't wait anymore

Come on baby, I can't wait... I want some more.

You know it's always me on the other end

of the phone when you try to call a friend

I'm the only one you knoy who can descend

to the dephts of hell, rise up and transcend

every thought and this heart that I need to mend

everything you can't even begin to comprehend

Come on baby, disarm... disarm all your alarms

Come on baby, let me... let me die in your arms.

Layers

You can peel back many layers

but never really know who I am

you can all slap me in turns

go ahead, I don't give a damn!

Because all of you put together

will never be as I am free

and I will live on forever

in the heart of he who knows me

know that when my heart stops

he will hear it from a distance

and his lonely sad teardrops

will give meaning to my existence

None of you shall ever know

what is under all my layers

you're all too deaf and slow

to listen to my prayers.

Everyday you took a piece away

a piece of my soul, a layer

and I let myself fall astray

becoming the master naysayer

I fought I battle I couldn't win

and I still can't understand

how they all got under my skin

as I was shunned and banned.

He was the only one with words

plucked from a small golden case

He got through to my wounded soul

Looked into my eyes and say grace

I dropped all the thick layers

no one else could pierce before

I still don't have any answers

and I am always hoping for more.

That is why I am unaffected

by your pettines and your lies

because I am deeply connected

to one who lives in my sighs.

Paper Heart

My heart is made of paper

that you rip each night
making me feel cheaper
mad and not quite
sad but melancholic
I think that I might
be crazy and hyperbolic
wallowing in self-pitty
drowning in myself
tired of this society
trying to be someone else
I can't seem to breathe
I'm trapped within my mind
and I am starting to seethe
I am trying hard to find
ther person I should be
but she hides in the shadows
not yet ready to be free
nor face what she knows...
My heart is made of paper
torn apart every day
for everyone's pleasure
but come what may
you all can be sure
that one fateful day
dark, heavy and obscure
I will jump and stray
and nothing will be the same
I will crawl outside myself
I will shead all my shame
and become someone else.
My worn out paper heart
paper cuts within my chest
it brakes everyone apart
just like all the rest...
I will laugh and I will smile
I'll be someone you think of
I will stand still for a while
and I will wait for true love.

Nothing at All

Distance can't brake two minds the same

I hear your heartbeat from where you are

Inside I'm burning please put out the flame

Take me back to the place we once were...

And don't you know I can hear your voice

when I clore my eyes late at night?

It's no longer a matter of choice

I want your arms wrapped around tight.

Don't you you know I see through your eyes?

All the textures and beautiful colors

pull me into this secret world of sighs

and it is not my world it's only yours.

Nobody knows what it's like for us

always alone walking down that same road

with no one around to listen or trust

that is our curse, our burden, our load.

Two minds alike finding each other

breaking space and time, crossing the line,

No need for a rest, no need to look further.

And do they know how my lips shake

when I cry alone away from prying eyes?

Do you know how my heart brakes

everytime I hear myself drown in sighs?

No matter how long last my prayers

I still walk towards the abyss to fall.

If you peel back all of my layers

you will find nothing, nothing at all...

I am just a girl dazed and disconnected

wanting, feeling, dreaming, believing...

by your thoughts and words infected

living, breathing, being, leaving...

Not There Yet

I'm on the road to ruin

like many I've taken before

I'll fall apart very soon

ending up at your door...

You'll have kind words to say

and a cup of fresh coffee

then you'll send me on my way

but I'll still be me.

I'll sit in my car for hours

listening to songs lost in time,

songs that were just ours

to listen to as partners in crime.

You moved on and I stood still

you have a new life and I am lost

you're filled with light and I am ill

you are the sun and I am the frost.

Years from now I'll feel the same

I will walk down where we first met

you won't care or call out my name

for now I'm still, we're not there yet...

Nothing Left to Think Of

If I die before you know you love me

I'll haunt you 'till the end of time

I am standing here for all to see

but I'm a ghost even though I'm alive

I'm buried in a pile of your mistakes

a dead memory hidden from the world

and as my heavy heart slowly brakes

you hungrily suck my life, my soul...

The fire inside of me has long faded

taken by this made up fairytale love

leaving me behind alone and jaded

with nothing left to think of...

A Real Reason

I walked away from my own life,

gave up and walked away on myself

I let myself drown in a sea of lies

trying to become someone else.

and now I'm a lurking dark shadow

unable to smile, love or laugh

frozen lips that frost the window

I look out of thinking of what I had

Looking back to where I was

I realize I had to slowly shed

everything that made me froze

but memories still linger in my head

the young love I remember was not love at all

you never knew me and don't know me still

I'm just letting myself fall and fall and fall

I try to bend the gods of time to my will

But there is no going back to the past

I am left alone with my memories

and even those don't seem to last

because they're nothing but fake stories

I make up and relive in my mind

everynight before I go to sleep

because I really don't want to find

a real reason to let myself weep.

This Love

I wish for silence and I just go deaf

I pray for a voice but lost my breath.

I close my eyes and remember his touch

but these memories hurt way too much

I wake up everyday just to love him

waiting for my life to begin

thinking of him a bit more

I miss more now than before

This love is making my head spin

I can still smell him on my skin

I want him but all I get is loneliness

I wanted smiles but all I have is sadness

Is it worth it? Is it worth it?

wishing for everything I'll never get

because the more I hope and pray

nothing seems to come my way...

This love is making my head spin

I wish for his touch on my skin

but all I get is a hole in my heart

and a longing for a fresh start.

Hole in my Heart

The noise around me criples my thoughts

surrounding me are people I always fought

I am tired, weary and ready to give in

I have waisted all of my thick skin

And many words are thrown at me like stones

leave emotional scares but no broken bones.

The love I felt grew with the distance

standing here alone I question my existence

and all of the feelings I ever knew,

all that I ever saw and did as I slowly grew

has made me this woman alone and bitter

as the hole in my heart grows bigger and bigger.