Banishment

You blow cigarrette smoke at my face
as we sit naked on the side of the bed
you touched me as if I were french lace
delicate like a book that's never been read.

the air is filled with unspoken words
but the sheets scream out our story
the words fly around like trapped birds
desperately and randomly trying to be free

They fall tired by my awkward silence
and surrounded by all these dead words
untold as a sign of our own defiance
but in the end we are nothing but cowards

pretending to forget what should be said
disregarding what each of us feel
and so we quickly jump out of this bed
naked and satisfaction seemingly unreal

This one night of perfect love and lust
delivered and born together hand in hand
should end with unspoken words and rush
for me to get dressed and forever banned.

I gather my things and cover my naked body
my mind a blank because my words are dead
and I can't even let myself be angry
because I did crawl and lay in your bed.

(imagined and written to the sound of the "Blue Valentine" soundtrack)

Fuck My Life

My inspiration is a shooting star
burning out towards where you are
With your every word I die inside
because I always knew you lied

The sun never shone only for me
darkness never crumbled to the sea
You left and my heart became a bruise
sitting in a corner with the blues

And when I look at you now smilling
I wonder what the hell was I thinking?
What I thought was love was only obsession
dysfunctional longing for imperfection

It was nothing and I have moved on
still everything I thought I felt is gone
I realize now I never knew love at all
and never in my life have I felt so small

After this life-changing realization
that years of draggin this infatuation
has crippled me and prevented my living
but still... I am here and forgiving.

I push forward through day and night
moving closer towards the light
shining and warming my rosy cheeks
and life starts to feel less bleek...

But in the end I know I lie to myself
whenever I see him with someone else
And everything I felt rushes back in
crawling deeper and deeper under my skin.

And the moving on was nothing but bullshit
I find myself drowning in a big pool of it
always damning my apparent lack of luck
Here's to you, you miserable fuck!

Shut Up!

You wouldn't stop talking
so I touched your soft lips
with my cold fingertips
but you wouldn't stop talking

So I started walking
and have been ever since.
You follow my footprints
but still you are talking.

I run away as I did before
everything around me is a blur
you never loved me as you did her
somehow I wind up at your door

And I'm knocking, knocking
Let me in, hold me close
as if I'm the one you love the most
but still you are talking...

Why won't you stop?
silence and warm arms around me
it's all I ever wanted you to be
so why won't you shut up?

For Him

I can see in your eyes that you're lovely
your kindness certainly moves me
and though we are far
we are never apart

Boy, you live in my dreams
hidden in rhymes as it seems

I can read your words they confort me
they eco in my head helping me sleep
and though we can't touch
I already love you so much

Boy, you live in my thoughts
your sweetness got me caught

And though you are gone
I am up untill dawn
thinking of what could be

And though you are far
I feel where you are
as you can feel me.

Untitled

Touch the sadness in me
an ocean will overflow.
Suck the madness from me
and no one will know

how life is just a minute,
a string of 60 seconds...
I try not to think of it
but it's lingering essence

fills me with uncertainty.
Self-doubt that I can't shake
comes about forcefully
in a manner I can't fake.

But I close my eyes, to sleep
and dreams fill my heart
with nothing that I can keep
because we're so far apart.

Sleep for a Thousand Years

If I could sleep for a thousand years
I could finally dry up all the tears
that haunt me every minute, evey hour
I relinquish all of my useless power

and give in... I'm not afraid of death
I'm glad you turned your back and left
now my life is finally about to start
and I can stop playing this fake part

you wrote for me on crumpled pages
but I never did belong on any stages
so the curtain has finally come down
and I am no longer your clown

How does it feel to be cast aside
forgotten and stripped of all pride?
you're nothing but a footnote in my past
something never meant to be or last

I want to sleep for a thousand years
because now I got rid of my fears
I am now trully alone and I like it
I finally put out the fire you lit

I can close my eyes and breathe easy
even though I'm still feeling queasy
tomorrow, the thousand years will have passed
and I will be alive at last...

Feeling Nothing

Lungs drenched in alcohol
I can't feel a thing at all
I try to move but I'm out of breath
I can't jump to my death
to end what is now lost...
my feelings never had a cost
they exploded out of my chest
without any notice or request.
Now I am just a black whole
run or I'll swallow you hole
But nothing will ever fill
no good will and no vacant thrill
can ever fill my emptiness
and erase my loneliness...
The tide that rises to my eyes
isn't pain or cause for cries
It's just a grain of sand
that I'll get with my hand
You always want what you can't have
but memories are nothing but that
they fade away drenched in alcohol
and soon you'll feel nothing at all.