Medicated Daze

Sobriety hit me like a ton of bricks

all I could think about was another fix
diving deeper and deeper into misery
reality isn't as fun as it should be to be
I locked myself up in deafening silence
every action I could take is up to chance
I close my eyes and I drift off to nothing
no thoughts no feelings no suffering...
the medicated daze keeps me in my place
away from thoughts of your sweet face...
The hand that life dealt was forged in fear
time stands still but soon it'll disappear
my thoughts of you I want to erase
I fall in deeper away from your grace
all theses memories they will never fade
but my lonely life is this mess I made
a quilted cage wraped up in happy pills
away from everyone and any kind of thrills
now there's nothing left to say or to do
there's no tomorrow, there's no more you...

Not Our Fault

Under the darkness what do you see?

My only friend got rid of me...

The hands of fate, they are growing near
they choke me and then they disappear

It's not my fault! It's not your fault!
You never knew me at all...
It's not my fault! It's not your fault!
I never learned how not to fall...

The voice of time says not to fear
I close my eyes still I see clear.

I gaze in silence but there's nothing there
this loneliness is getting hard to bare

It's not my fault! It's not your fault!
my loneliness is not your fault!
It's not my fault! It's not your fault.
I tripped and fell and now I'm caught...

I walk towards darkness under your spell
my only friend, you knew me well...

my hands are shaking because I'm stuck here
I close my eyes holding on to my fear.

It's not my fault! It's not your fault!

The hand life dealt me brought me to my knees

It's not my fault! It's not your fault!

I'm standing here but no one sees...

the world through my eyes

if you saw the world through my eyes

you would see everything I dispise
you would see everything that I love
you could see all that I dream of...

if you saw the world like I do
you'd want these dreams to come true
you would want everyone to see
that you can dream just like me

if you saw the world I live in
you would be as sad as I am
you would feel as helpless as I do
always wishing for something new...

Misery

Come and take me from this madness
come and erase all my memories
drown all these years of sadness
that no one is able to see
in my eyes tired of watching
success and happiness pass by
while I am still and ageing
with no more tears left to cry.
Fire doesn't seem to burn anymore
my skin is an empty dark shell
that harbors a ghost you knew before
hardly but also all too well...
And if I live a full life
it'll be filled with sorrow
and on the edge of a knife
because there is no tomorrow
And if my life ends soon it's okay
I am nothing but a shadow you see
I have no more clever words to say
my life is at it's best misery...

Fridays

Friday, please come soon!
Bring him back to me
By the light of the moon
I can see it all clearly
His lips trying to find mine
his hands exploring my skin
and when he reaches my neckline
I surrender and I give in
to this esquisite ecstasy
the world slowly sheads away
and I'm where I should be
in is arms where I lay
my heart races his own
both beating like a drum
creating a perfect song
with increasing volume...
perfection comes on friday
time, please fly fast
bring him without delay
and make our time last
freeze this perfect moment
in our thoughts and memories
in words both deafening and silent
keep away all the mondays
let the week be made of fridays
so that we're not long apart
and every minute we seize
will live forever in my heart.

Glimpse of Perfection

Today I'll let myself cry
so that tomorrow I can smile
in your arms I find solace
in your arms I am ageless
Your lips bring me back to life
pulling me out of strife
you whisper through the night
while you're holding me tight
our bodies dance in the dark
leaving an invisible mark
that belongs only to us
only we are witness
to the shadows we left behind
confined and entwined
in one unforgetable moment
a magical fragment
a glimpse of perfection
mending what's broken
In a blink of an eye
back in my world of sigh
I dream of breaking free
even if only briefly
for another night
bathing in his light...

Before it Started to Rain

Before it started to rain
the earth was dry
and the air was heavy
I couldn't cry
and my heart was steady
Before it started to rain
the smell of fire all around
behind reasons and gain
and cleansing of the ground
the smoke burning my eyes
and the inside of my nose
made me think of all the lies
that always kept me close
away from who I could be
and who I really am
from a world I couldnt see
through the smoke
but now I can...
Before it started to rain
I had no sense of self
driving myself insane
trying to be someone else
praying for rain to come
and end all the fires
sitting here all alone
surrounded by liars.
Before the rain hit the ground
the wind was calm and still
and you could not hear a sound
I could even feel a chill
And the rain started to fall
everyone was in bed sleeping
and I felt like nothing at all
I just laid there weeping
But when the rain came
the earth soaked it up
but I remained the same
still with an empty cup.

Words Collide

All words collide inside my mouth
and crash at the tip of my tongue
consuming all glimpse of youth
and any pain still left unsung...
my shapeless shadow dances around
while I am perfectly still
my silence as kept life bound
in a box against it's will
And the words I dare not speak
are pushed deep down within
I feel so tired and weak
fighting a battle I can't win.
Every word that my mind breeds
is a seed trying to take root
trying to shape all of my needs
into sentences no one can dispute
I close my eyes and merge with silence
you may take my life but never my soul
you have my words but not their essence
because you don't understand my world.
My words keep on crashing inside
and they create a perfect chaos
they are a secret I can't hide
they are the source of great loss.

Life

A job
a way of life
an identity
stripped by
those who rule.
And me
poor girl
sad woman
a fool!
Able and reliable
but disposable...
pushed aside
always put down
I try to hide
my sad frown.
Harsh and evil words
whispered behind my back
by sheepeless heards
cut from the same sack.
their eyes burn
holes in my head
hoping I wont return
or that I may turn up dead
I am a victim of hate
and I don't know why
always fighting fate
and vicious lies
designed for my fall.
No one cares...
Not a little bit
not even at all.

In My Own Skin

I don't want to feel a thing
I want nothing on my mind
and I would do anything
for some sort of sign
of how to start my life
and end this endless walk
on the edge of the knife
and the fear in the spark
of a match you lit
to set me on fire
and you watch for a bit
until I expire.
I don't want to inhale
any of your secrets
I don't want to exhale
any of my regrets.
Give yourself a rest
you're not God's gift
and you're not the best
you just made me drift
in a sea of stupidity
that you slowly dry
and everything I see
reminds me of why
I ran away years ago...
Now I can just let go
I can stop being someone else
I can start becoming myself
and live within my own skin
breathe my own air
repent my own sin
and end this nightmare...