heart vs body

My heart wants what it wants... it wants perfection, it wants bliss, it wants a fairytale... it wants what might not exist... But my body... my body yearns for your touch... it wants your embrace, your warmth... my body is drawn to yours...

I can feel the blood boiling in my veins everytime I close my eyes and imagine you near me, whispering all the right things in my ear... I surrender my body to you... I surrend to pleasure...

But my heart grows weary... it still longs for what it has never known... it longs for a love that would echo across time and space...

But my body... my body burns for you...

dreams...

"I dreampt of you again this past night... You were waiting for me, calling for me... reaching out to me. I don't know where you are or if I'll ever find you... I wouldn't know where to find you... I wouldn't even know where to start. These dreams give me hope... I assume that you're lost to me now. I close my eyes and I can see you smiling and looking at me. I hear your voice whispering my name... I know you're out there somewhere... I can feel you... I never quite had you but without you I am nothing... I don't fit in or have a place in this world... all I have is hope that one day you will come and calm my restlessness..."

Is there really someone out there for each of us?

Ponto de Situação - Desabafo

Ora bem...
Hoje... acontecimentos significantes do dia: nenhuns...

Último ano: desemprego, solidão e doença...

Enfim... não há muito que dizer e muito para fazer... muita luta pela frente. Tentativa de afirmação pessoal... Procura de um cantinho solarengo no mundo... Desejo e esperança de encontrar alguém que compreenda de onde venho e para onde vou... alguém com quem partilhar alegrias e tristezas (e que me aqueça os pézinhos durante a noite... eh eh).

O importante é não perder o sentido de humor, manter a calma e esperar por dias melhores... No entanto, esses dias estão a demorar o seu tempo a chegar...

Às vezes dou por mim, a horas tardias, a olhar para a lua e a desejar por um amor épico... uma paixão desenfreada pela qual o tempo pára e se deita para que arda intensamente... Mas, se calhar já tive a minha quota parte de felicidade nesta vida... Ele veio, e foi-se... sem nunca saber o que realmente sinto.

Sou uma concha vazia, solitária e melancólica. Juro-vos, que se encostassem o ouvido no meu peito poderiam ouvir as ondas desenfreadas e assustadora do mar...

Estes pensamentos acabam por desvanecer quando fecho os olhos... mas quando os volto a abrir e olho para o céu estrelado e calmo penso que não resta nada: nem dor, nem esperança, nem solidão ou alegria... resta apenas a lua e a luz que ela irradia...

Soul Searching...

Soul searching

I was happy once upon a time
Can’t quite remember when…
Lost beyond eternity and rhyme
My heart will never mend…

I can’t wake from this dream
Bound by shackles of sadness
My other worldly screams
Will surpass all my madness…

One would long for peace of mind
But I just want to stop the voices.
I am the feeling you want to bind,
All the error in your choices…

I go on with my meaningless existence,
While others hear talk of a better day.
I fight and put up a weak resistance
While everyone else stops to pray…

Pictures of You

Your silence kills the joy in me... my breath slows down, my dreams are empty, my heart stops, the light fades out... I wander the streets with no destination just to kill time and stop thinking about what ails me... When I looked deep into your eyes I saw myself staring back at me and I crawled out of the world and died... I wish I could say all the right words but words could never bind what is broken...

All that's left is silence

All that’s left is silence

This room is silent,
Bursting with fear…
The echo so violent
Brings you near…
I’m somewhere else…
I’m someone else…
I’m in a dream.
And your scream
Echoes with violence
And falls deeper into silence…
One simple thought
Makes me numb…
I don’t want to get caught
But I’m under your thumb.
I scream to end violence
But all around me there’s silence…
Can anybody hear me?
Can anybody free me?
Will anybody hear me?
Can anybody see me?
The silence will grow
While time moves slow…
I need some guidance
But all that’s left is silence…

Tonight...

O poema seguinte foi escrito num guardanapo de papel, num bar (não me lembro qual) sob a influência de (muito) alcool... :) - qualquer semelhança com a realidade é mera coincidência (ou não).

Normalmente gosto de observar o que se passa à minha volta e escrever sobre o que vejo, inventando histórias e situações que só poderiam mesmo existir no meu mundo perverso. Neste caso, a história foi criada porque observi um casal a discutir ao balcão do bar... e eu resolvi escrever qualquer coisa para ocupar o meu cerébro durante o processo de alcoolização...

Tonight

You looked so good
I couldn’t breathe
I wondered if I should
Ask to buy you a drink…

But you were with her
And didn’t care for me
I was just a blur
How could I make you see?

I’d treat you right
I know I’m not her
But we’d never fight
Of that I am sure…

One day she’ll leave you
And I’ll still be free
What can you do?
I’ll make you love me…

Do not go gentle into that good night...

I spent the whole day yesterday reading poetry searching for some glimpse of hope, emotion or even inspiration and I stumbled upon this poem by Dylan Thomas that I had forgotten about. I am so glad I found it again because it did bring me what I was looking for... hope... emotion... inspiration. And so I decided to share with all of you his beautiful words:

DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright

Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,

And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight

Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,

Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dylan Thomas

Wanting and Longing

I am weary of this life,
I want to slowly slip away.
With a prick of a sharp knife
Stop sleeping while I’m awake…

I surrender myself to you
As you walk away with style.
I wish I knew what to do
To make you stay for a while…

So I slowly lose my pride and my mind
As I build a thirst for something new.
Wanting what I can’t have nor find
Longing for someone like you…