Last Day of April

The last day of April was uneventful
I spent the day sighing my life is so dull

I dream of a bag filled with yesterdays
I imagine the part the future plays

on  unraveling  my life and my will
a perfect love that lies silently still

I dream of someone who isn't real
it's the best way I know not to feel

And thus I keep my heart in a box
that no one in the world can unlock

And love is nothing but faded memory
Taken, ripped apart and hidden from me

Today, the last day of April I sit still
searching within myself against my will

And though the box with my heart is lost
One day I shall have it back no matter the cost

And you, self-proclaimed love of my life
will never make me a bride, a wife.

I am a wild creature very hard to tame
once I fall out of love I never fall back again...

Fuck You Very Much and Have a Nice Day

Fuck this job and fuck your face
Fuck you all! get out of my space

Fuck your fake bullshit and fucking lies
Fuck your backstabbing fucking smile

Fuck all the shit you want me to know
Fuck you to fucking death, you blow!

Fuck your car, fuck your dog, fuck you
Fuck you and all of your friends too.

Fuck the "man" and fuck the system
Fucking fuck everyone who is with them

Fuck whoever really gives a flying fuck
and fuck anyone who's shit out of luck

Fuck you, fuck her, fuck the world
and fuck your pure untainted soul

Fuck your conceited artistic bullshit
Fuck you! I'm done with it...

Fuck your husband and fuck yourself
Fuck you so much, go fuck someone else.

Fuck you and whatever you have to say
Fuck you very much and have a nice day...

Not Ready Yet

Why does my heart still ache?
you ripped it out of my chest
there's nothing left to take
from the one who loved you best

the hole you left I cannot fill
not with work, not with light
you took it all against my will
my love, my heart, my sight...

you were like the wildest hurricane
a perfect storm I could not tame
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I wonder if things would be the same

I fear it would all rush back in
and I would let myself fall
back in your arms to feel your skin
there's nothing I want more at all

But dreams are nothing but emptiness
and though I try hard to forget
so I can have some measure of happiness
I realize I am not ready yet...

A Long Lost Memory

A storm gathers to my eyes
as I stand still in the rain
running back all your lies
in my head again and again

I realize they weren't lies
I just heard what I wanted
your words filtered by sighs
that I once flaunted...

I close my eyes and nothing
but inside I feel everything!
How can you fake such touch?
how can someone love too much?

My skin is now a hot desert
no one new will ever flirt
or ever want to softly kiss
these arid poisoness lips

But when the storm subsides
peace will come with new tides
happines won't be a pipedream
I shall be filled with steam

warm enough to melt my heart
the desert shall have rain
and I will be a piece of art
that you stare at again and again.

And death will leave my side
my lips once more plump and juicy
and all the tears that I cried
will be a long lost memory.

Last Drinks

Give me a cocktail of whiskey and morphine
alprazolam, prozac and lots of nicotine
to help me get through another awful day
clear my mind of anything awkward to say

roll up that joint quickly and pass it around
I'm eager to puff it as I look at the ground
pretending I'm cool, artistic and smart
but inside I'm actually falling apart

thinking it might be our last night together
drenched in booze dreaming of forever
I close my eyes and pop another happy pill
I can't be perfect or bend life to my will

I can't hold you in my arms ever again
I don't want to think of other men
the piano keeps playing in the background
but I can't process any kind of sound

my heart stopped when you said you were leaving
I feel like a widow locked inside and grieving
your eyes filled with tears as many as your lies
you want to feel better by drowning me in sighs

give me another drink so I can forget myself
give me another so I can pretend I'm someone else
I'll look away as you drag yourself out that door
I'll look away and pretend I was never your whore

this is my last shot of booze, here's to you!
just this last one to help me push through
another one of those pills to help me dream
another puff of nicotine to muffle my scream.

Your Eyes

Your eyes are knives that pierce and shread my soul
they are black holes that suck me into oblivion
there is no one else in the whole wide world
you are handpicked by fate in one in a million

you make my heart stop and start with a stare
black pools of madness in which I want to swim
and this secret that lives within is hard to bare
it's not an obssession or a monthly whim

It's in your eyes, the reflection of my own
I get lost in your deepest artistic thoughts
and if you do know please pretend you don't
because I shall slowly untie all the knots

I tied myself into as a spell cast by your eyes
and once more I can relish in confortable loneliness
as I emerge from this sea of uncontrolable sighs
and rid myself of this unbarebaly sweet illness.

your eyes are knives sharp that cut me to pieces
they are dark pools I dream of jumping in to
they are black pearls that shine like stolen kisses
your eyes are the darkness that make me blue...

I Can't Wait...

I faulter and my crippled mind explodes
I see you, I quiver, I melt, I die...
I see you, this time my heart implodes
I see you, you don't see me, I sigh.

My silence screams out to you
you don't listen, you smile
and my eyes pierce you through
but still you linger for a while

I breathe in and you breathe out
I see you but you don't know me
my tears quench this drought
and turns into the dead sea.

Your happy eyes make me sick
I want to cut myself and be normal
but my blood is so dark and thick
I can't bleed like others at all!

I see you set free unto the world
like a devastating black plague
I see you, you eat my tortured soul
you see me now, empty and vague

I am nothing without you taunting me
you see me, this empty broken shell
you hear me, my absent-minded plea
you see me now and know me so well.

I always see you and know you somehow
you see me, you hear me, you fear me
I love you, I hate you, I want you now
you smile perfectly but you don't want me.

I see you: perfect smiling happiness
I see you as all the words I can't say
your chaotic perfection makes me die
and I can't wait to die each day...

Prayers and Wishes

I wish I could sleep for a thousand years
your voice would keep me here grounded
I wish I could stay until the smoke clears
but I don't want you to feel hounded

I wish I could dream of you every night
you would keep every nightmare at bay
because you are the mightiest light
you are the night and you are the day

I wish you would see me as I see you
as we both see the shining stars tonight
and as I sit here with nothing to do
I look up and feel such warm delight

I wish you could only feel what I feel
a rush of blood to this weary head
and a new deck of fateful cards to deal
but never knowing what is up ahead.

I wish my dreams could come true
standing before you my beating heart
It thumps and beats only for you
it always did from the very first start

I wish I could take back what you broke
and mend it so it could beat once more
I did not want this nightmare so I woke
so I could live like never before!

I wish you could only see me right now
living, breathing, smiling, rotting corpse
living life as much as life would allow
nothing you can imagine would be as worse...

I Am My Father's Daughter

I wake up in a sweat and open my eyes
corruption and injustice all around me
government spoon-feeds us bowls of lies
government is just a fancy word for slavery
Democracy as it was born is long forgotten
Socialism has been lost forever as well
Other political beliefs stripped of meaning
Any of these concepts no one can ever tell
and the truth you want is never the same
not for them, not for you, not for me
we're all just pawns in some sick game
never knowing if we are ever trully free
Slavery thrust upon us by and by
and the shackles strapped on us
as we keep eating up every vile lie
You may cripple our bodies but never our words!
You might have me be alone, broken and poor
and you may take all that I ever had
all those things I can and will endure
but you shall never cripple who I am!
I am my father's daughter after all
I walk the path of the righteous
and eventually I shall watch you fall
and then the world will belong to us!

What I Want

I want to sleep for a thousand years
and forget the darkness inside me
I want to dive in my lonely tears
and pretend I know who to be.

I want to run and never look back
fall on the floor scraping my knees
and listen to my heart slowly crack
as the tears down my cheeks freeze

I want to erase your name from my mind
bury it deep in the back of my head
I want to just kick back and unwind
without reliving all that you said

And I want you to know before I forget
that you did mean something to me
and I can't make up for my mistake yet
I still haven't found the golden key

Tomorrow I will wonder the cost
of letting you walk out my rusty door
tomorrow I'll know what I actually lost
it's nothing I've ever felt before

But you are gone now and I am dead
you never knew how to love me alive
and if you don't see how much I've bled
you'll never ever learn how to survive

To Those Who Feel Entitled

To those who feel entitled
I have a few words to say
to some I might seem stifled
others consider me small prey

the other end of the stick
may be in your near future
no matter who you try to trick
the fates are harsh and sure

fault falls all around you
but never upon your entitled self
it falls upon all who are in queue
or merely put up on a dusty shelf.

it bothers the books that live there
it crumples their pages with spite
it hardens the mood, poisons the air
it robs them of their perfect light

before schooling was for the poor
then only the rich were schooled
now it's for the entitled to endure
and for the dreamers to be fooled

You'll never murder the dreamer in me
this is my own world, my floor
where dearest dreams I create and see
I set them free and they do sore

I close my eyes and start to smile
because the entitled are barren
of thought and their imagination vile
their social performance arid.

And as I dance in a world of color
the entitled exist in back and white
trying to birth the next wise scholar
to deliver us from future blight

But despite all efforts they cannot
not just yet, not just quite
not while they're barren of thought
not while they have no sight.

They cannot see beyond themselves
they cannot hear my song this well
only you who are still on the shelves
only you buy what I have to sell...

One day it will all make perfect sense
what you read now will burn inside
it will no longer be an offence
but only secrets I tried to hide...

My Favorite Regret

Years have passed and I roam free
I am who I always wanted to be
and every minute that passes by
I can't realize I'm living a lie.
As time passas I believe I am happy
but I walk down the street and I see
you've cut your long black hair
but have the same intense stare
You're walking and smiling with her now
and in the back of my mind I wonder how
we drifted apart through the years
letting go of courage and grasping fears
knowing not what we should say or do
but I was never looking for you
I was looking for love in strange places
longing to find it in familiar faces
But I never was able to find it here
and love never did find me either
I wish I could stay here alone with you
but you're not that true love feeling new
You're the past and now you're with her
and everything I ever felt for you before
is nothing but distant and faded memory
and as you both walk away I feel free
I feel as if I've just become someone else
with you I never felt like I was myself
But still your lips on my trembling skin
and your hands on my body make my head spin
Remembering what once was and shall never be
keeps a warm fire lit inside of me
And I know it we were never meant to be
that is the one thing that is clear to me
I know my life isn't over just yet
but you are my favorite and sweetest regret.